It's hard to eat well when you live alone. It's even harder to eat well, when cooking can be a challenge. I actually enjoy cooking, and the Food Network is one of my favorite things to watch on television. In fact, if I was not a teacher, I would love to be a chef.
But, it's hard to do a lot of cooking when you have a small kitchen, and you are 4' 3", like I am when I am in my chair. So, it's just easier to eat out all the time, or it can be just as easy to go through the drive-thru somewhere. My poor eating habits, were the main reason why I had gained so much weight. Then I made a discovery.
A friend of my sister's was a competitor on a weight loss competition on a local "magazine-style" show. Each of the competitors was given 6-months free on Seattle Sutton, which is a company that sells prepared foods. Well, my sister's friend had quite a bit of success with the program, so I decided to inquire about it.
I realized that this program was PERFECT for me. Now, I know that this sounds like I am a shill for them, but I want to talk about the program, in case anyone has ever thought about trying it.
Their program includes 21 meals a week, and they don't require anything else--except for a gallon of milk. I know other programs, Nutri-System, etc. require a lot of supplementing. But Seattle Sutton is all-inclusive.
The meals are fresh and never frozen, and they can be picked up or delivered on Mondays and Thursdays. When you go there on Mondays, you will pick up Monday's dinner through Thursday's lunch. Then your Thursday package will include Thursday's dinner through Mondays' lunch. There are no contracts, and you can order week-to-week.
The food is good, and they have five weeks of preset menus, so you can have 105 meals before, you run through the cycle and have a duplicate meal. Now, not all of the meals taste that great, but most of them are quite tasty...and nutritionally balanced. All of the meals are microwaveable, and very easy to prepare.
A couple things made this program appeal to me. First of all, it is essentially idiot-proof. They have a 1,200 calorie plan and a 2,000 calorie plan...and the menus are the same. However, the 2,000 calorie plan includes more food, obviously. But, all a person needs to do is follow the day-to-day plan, and it will lead to success.
I HATE to go grocery shopping. I don't mind the time or expense, but I HATE bringing all of the food into my house. Because, I can't bundle up a bunch of bags in my arms, I have to bring them in a few at a time. I also have to put the handles of the plastic bags in my mouth to bring them in. That can be a real challenge when I have heavy things like milk, soda, laundry detergent. So, this program has eliminated the problems with groceries...and that is wonderful.
When I first thought about the program, I went to their website to check it out. The first thing I noticed was that one of the distributorships was literally RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET from my school. I realized that it couldn't have been any more convenient for me.
Whenever I get out of my car, I have to assemble my wheelchair. The only way that I can get it in my car is to take it apart EVERY STINKING time, and that can be a big pain in the ass. So, when I placed my order the first time, I asked the distributor if she would be able to bring my order out to my car each time. She said that would be fine. So, now all I have to do is honk, and they bring it right out me. It is wonderful.
I really can't accurately weight myself, since I can't stand up. But, I believe that I have lost about 30 pounds so far on Seattle Sutton...and my swim class. It has been just what I have needed.
To be honest, I would have had a lot more success with it, if I had followed the program to the letter, but I have cheated on several occasions. But, my eating is still so much better than what it has been in the past.
Now, there have been several weeks where I have gone off the program for one reason or another, but I have been on their food about 75-80% of the time for the last 5 months or so. I highly recommend it, and now that my water class is back, I know my weight loss will pick up again.
If anyone wants to inquire about it, just go to www.seattlesutton.com.
I know that this blog entry has seemed like a commercial for them, but they have really been perfect for me. They were just what I was looking for.
September 15, 2008
The Water
I love water. I love swimming, boating, fishing, etc. In fact, a lot of the best memories that I have from childhood involve water in some extent. We always had a pool in our backyard when I was growing up, and I can't imagine my life without a pool somewhere near.
That's why the last two months have been especially challenging for me. I found my water cardio class about 6 months ago, and it was an answer to my prayers. It gave me a way to get my heart rate up, and I was actually getting a lot healthier. However, as I mentioned in another post, the heater on the pool was broken, and the class had been canceled. But not anymore.
Today was the first day back, and I am soooo happy about that. I missed the teacher, Michele, and I missed all of the people in the class. I NEVER thought that I would miss anything about exercise, but I really did. But, I mostly missed being active in the pool.
My favorite thing about being in a pool, is the fact that I am just like everyone else. The water keeps me bouyant, so I do not need a wheelchair or crutches. That is such an incredible feeling for someone with a disability. Since I can put weight on my left leg, I am able to get around in the pool ununcumbered. That is such an awesome feeling.
Now, I can't do everything that all of the other people in the class do, but I try to do a variation of their activities. So, a lot of my movements tend to look the same. But that's ok...I'm moving and burning tons of calories. In fact, I know that I am really going to be sore tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it.
It is frustrating though, because so many of us were wiped out after the class, and we all lamented on how we seemed to have lost a lot of the physical benefits that we had gained in the classes prior to the pool closing. But, we're all motivated to get it back.
My back is kind of strangely shaped, and it is obvious that there has been some trauma to it. But, when I am in the water, and my back is covered, I look just like everyone else. In fact, there have been many new people who have noticed how I tend to do my own thing with regard to a lot of the exercises, and they have jokingly commented that I was "cheating."
It's always interesting to see their faces turn to panic & embarrassment when they see me climb out of the pool and get back into my wheelchair. They always apologize, and I always do my best to let them know that I was not bothered by their comment. But that truly shows how I am just like everyone else when I am in the pool.
Actually getting back into my chair is my least favorite part of the whole class. As I have mentioned before, I have been disabled my whole life. I am fine with it, and I don't sit at home at night pining to walk. But, I do get a little deflated sometimes, when I get out of the water, and I have to get back into my chair. It can be demoralizing.
I feel like John Locke, who is one of the characters on the show, Lost. Before the plane crash, he was in a wheelchair. But, he was able to walk, after the plane crash. So while most of the characters on the show want to leave the island, he wants to stay. Because, he doesn't want to go back to being in a wheelchair. Being in the pool, is like being on the island for me. I just don't want to leave it.
I'm so excited to get back into the pool. I know that I have some work ahead to get my fitness level back to where it was, but I will do it...and have fun at the same time. :)
That's why the last two months have been especially challenging for me. I found my water cardio class about 6 months ago, and it was an answer to my prayers. It gave me a way to get my heart rate up, and I was actually getting a lot healthier. However, as I mentioned in another post, the heater on the pool was broken, and the class had been canceled. But not anymore.
Today was the first day back, and I am soooo happy about that. I missed the teacher, Michele, and I missed all of the people in the class. I NEVER thought that I would miss anything about exercise, but I really did. But, I mostly missed being active in the pool.
My favorite thing about being in a pool, is the fact that I am just like everyone else. The water keeps me bouyant, so I do not need a wheelchair or crutches. That is such an incredible feeling for someone with a disability. Since I can put weight on my left leg, I am able to get around in the pool ununcumbered. That is such an awesome feeling.
Now, I can't do everything that all of the other people in the class do, but I try to do a variation of their activities. So, a lot of my movements tend to look the same. But that's ok...I'm moving and burning tons of calories. In fact, I know that I am really going to be sore tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it.
It is frustrating though, because so many of us were wiped out after the class, and we all lamented on how we seemed to have lost a lot of the physical benefits that we had gained in the classes prior to the pool closing. But, we're all motivated to get it back.
My back is kind of strangely shaped, and it is obvious that there has been some trauma to it. But, when I am in the water, and my back is covered, I look just like everyone else. In fact, there have been many new people who have noticed how I tend to do my own thing with regard to a lot of the exercises, and they have jokingly commented that I was "cheating."
It's always interesting to see their faces turn to panic & embarrassment when they see me climb out of the pool and get back into my wheelchair. They always apologize, and I always do my best to let them know that I was not bothered by their comment. But that truly shows how I am just like everyone else when I am in the pool.
Actually getting back into my chair is my least favorite part of the whole class. As I have mentioned before, I have been disabled my whole life. I am fine with it, and I don't sit at home at night pining to walk. But, I do get a little deflated sometimes, when I get out of the water, and I have to get back into my chair. It can be demoralizing.
I feel like John Locke, who is one of the characters on the show, Lost. Before the plane crash, he was in a wheelchair. But, he was able to walk, after the plane crash. So while most of the characters on the show want to leave the island, he wants to stay. Because, he doesn't want to go back to being in a wheelchair. Being in the pool, is like being on the island for me. I just don't want to leave it.
I'm so excited to get back into the pool. I know that I have some work ahead to get my fitness level back to where it was, but I will do it...and have fun at the same time. :)
September 8, 2008
Karrie
On 9/8/70, my parents had a child that was born with Spina Bifida. If you read my entry from yesterday, you might think that it was me--no it wasn't. My sister, Karrie was born on this day--38 years ago. Unfortunately, she never made it to see her 7th birthday. I have a feeling that this entry will be emotional, but I also want to talk about how special she was--and how amazing my parents are.
When my mom had Karrie, she had no idea that there would be anything wrong with the pregnancy. But, when Karrie was delivered, the doctors discovered that she had a VERY severe form of Spina Bifida. Apparently the delivery was very rough on my mom, so they had to knock her out. When she awoke, she did not see Karrie. At that time, she was very unaware of the plan that the doctors had for my sister.
I'm still not entirely clear about all of the details, but the doctors did not close my sister's back when she was born. They felt that doing such a risky procedure would not benefit her or prolong her life. So she spent a CONSIDERABLE amount of time with an open wound in her back. I firmly believe that if she would have had it closed the day of delivery--then she might still be alive today.
In a nutshell, my sister was whisked away to a MENTAL facility on the other side of the state. My parents were basically told that this was really the only option for her. They wanted the doctors to close up her back, but they all felt that it was a "lost cause." So my sister went to that mental hospital--where she shared space with severely mentally ill adults and children; all the while with a gaping wound in her back.
Apparently the nurses loved her, and they helped convince the powers-that-be to send her back home to my parents. But this did not happen right away, so in the interim, my parents found a doctor that was willing to close up her back.
She had that surgery--along with many others during her short life. In fact, most of my memories of her are hospital-related.
Just a few months after her back was closed, my parents discovered that they were pregnant again. Taking care of my sister was a daunting task and now my mom had to be pregnant right in the middle of it.
They were truly hoping that this second child would be healthy. I can only imagine the heartache on my parent's faces when they realized that this second child was also disabled.
But, that heartache also had a little bit of optimism. My birth was much different than my sister's. The doctors could tell that my level of impairment was nowhere near as severe as her's was. They could tell that I was going to be healthy--relatively speaking. So I had my back closed up on my "birthday"--which is how it is supposed to happen.
I have spent two Christmases in the hospital, in my lifetime. The most recent one was in 1990, and that was awful. However, I spent my very first Christmas in 1971, in the hospital. Coincidentally my sister was also in the hospital at that time. So, we shared a hospital room, and that is how my parents celebrated my first Christmas.
My memories of Karrie are fleeting--but special. I remember that she had a very loud & shrill voice for such a little girl. I also remember that she could move very quickly for a little girl with quite a pronounced disability. She would crawl around the house on this yellow piece of plastic, that I think was called a crawlagator.
Karrie had so much energy and enthusiasm...and everyone that met her was instantly drawn to her. I remember that all four of my grandparents had a special bond with her, and a little piece of all of them died, when she did.
One of the greatest things that Karrie did in her short life was to convince my grandpa to stop smoking. Apparently the elevator in the hospital was broken one day when he and my grandmother went to visit her. He struggled and huffed and puffed, but he climbed up all of the stairs to get to her room. When he got there, he saw that she was on a lot of equipment to help her breathe.
Apparently my sister had always been on my grandpa to quit smoking. It was at that time, in the hospital room when it all finally clicked for him. He realized that his granddaughter was struggling to breathe--like he was at that time. Only his situation was caused by putting poison into his body, and her's was because she was an innocent victim. It was at that time that he threw away his cigarettes and quit "cold turkey."
He would go on to say that this was the easiest decision that he had ever made in his life. He lived until 2002, and I belive that he would have died much sooner--had it not been for her.
My parents discovered that they were pregnant again in 1976. They were nervous, but they felt that things would be fine this time. Fortunately my brother was born healthy, and my parents were ecstatic. I can only imagine how joyous the moment was for them--but it was tempered with worry.
My sister was REALLY sick at that time. She had been in the hospital for quite some time, and my parents were preparing themselves for the worst. To be honest, I have a feeling that my sister knew that she wouldn't be around too much longer, as well.
A couple days after my brother David was born, my parents were able to bring him to Karrie's hospital bed. She actually got to hold her newborn baby brother, and she was so happy. Three weeks after that special moment...she was gone.
I know that I have concentrated a lot on Karrie in this post, but I just want to mention how amazing my parents are. They are still married, and they managed to get through something that would tear many marriages apart. I don't have any kids, and I can't imagine what it is like to bury a child, but my parents had to.
There were times when my father actually saved my sister's life. She had a lot of issues with pneumonia, and there were several times when she stopped breathing--due to the gunk in her lungs. My dad held her upside down, by her legs, and gently shook her to get the stuff out. I don't know how medically sound it was, but it worked.
There are a lot of things related to Karrie's birth that I either left out, or just do not know. I have told my mom, on many ocassions, that she should write a book about the whole experience. She is the most amazing person in the world, and I know that the book would be wonderful.
Before, I close this I want to mention my sister. She was born in 1981--5 years after Karrie's death. So she never knew her at all, but my sister is convinced that Karrie is living her life through her.
Erin, my sister, has told me that she has felt Karrie's presence many times throughout her life...especially on the day that she got married. She felt like she was giving Karrie an experience that she was never able to have. I know that that sounds kind of weird, but it really is a special bond between my sister and Karrie.
This post is something that I have wanted to write for a long time, and it is one of the major reasons why I wanted to blog. This will be my last "heavy" topic for quite some time. I'm normally a very funny, light person. But, I just HAD to write this. Thanks for reading it.
When my mom had Karrie, she had no idea that there would be anything wrong with the pregnancy. But, when Karrie was delivered, the doctors discovered that she had a VERY severe form of Spina Bifida. Apparently the delivery was very rough on my mom, so they had to knock her out. When she awoke, she did not see Karrie. At that time, she was very unaware of the plan that the doctors had for my sister.
I'm still not entirely clear about all of the details, but the doctors did not close my sister's back when she was born. They felt that doing such a risky procedure would not benefit her or prolong her life. So she spent a CONSIDERABLE amount of time with an open wound in her back. I firmly believe that if she would have had it closed the day of delivery--then she might still be alive today.
In a nutshell, my sister was whisked away to a MENTAL facility on the other side of the state. My parents were basically told that this was really the only option for her. They wanted the doctors to close up her back, but they all felt that it was a "lost cause." So my sister went to that mental hospital--where she shared space with severely mentally ill adults and children; all the while with a gaping wound in her back.
Apparently the nurses loved her, and they helped convince the powers-that-be to send her back home to my parents. But this did not happen right away, so in the interim, my parents found a doctor that was willing to close up her back.
She had that surgery--along with many others during her short life. In fact, most of my memories of her are hospital-related.
Just a few months after her back was closed, my parents discovered that they were pregnant again. Taking care of my sister was a daunting task and now my mom had to be pregnant right in the middle of it.
They were truly hoping that this second child would be healthy. I can only imagine the heartache on my parent's faces when they realized that this second child was also disabled.
But, that heartache also had a little bit of optimism. My birth was much different than my sister's. The doctors could tell that my level of impairment was nowhere near as severe as her's was. They could tell that I was going to be healthy--relatively speaking. So I had my back closed up on my "birthday"--which is how it is supposed to happen.
I have spent two Christmases in the hospital, in my lifetime. The most recent one was in 1990, and that was awful. However, I spent my very first Christmas in 1971, in the hospital. Coincidentally my sister was also in the hospital at that time. So, we shared a hospital room, and that is how my parents celebrated my first Christmas.
My memories of Karrie are fleeting--but special. I remember that she had a very loud & shrill voice for such a little girl. I also remember that she could move very quickly for a little girl with quite a pronounced disability. She would crawl around the house on this yellow piece of plastic, that I think was called a crawlagator.
Karrie had so much energy and enthusiasm...and everyone that met her was instantly drawn to her. I remember that all four of my grandparents had a special bond with her, and a little piece of all of them died, when she did.
One of the greatest things that Karrie did in her short life was to convince my grandpa to stop smoking. Apparently the elevator in the hospital was broken one day when he and my grandmother went to visit her. He struggled and huffed and puffed, but he climbed up all of the stairs to get to her room. When he got there, he saw that she was on a lot of equipment to help her breathe.
Apparently my sister had always been on my grandpa to quit smoking. It was at that time, in the hospital room when it all finally clicked for him. He realized that his granddaughter was struggling to breathe--like he was at that time. Only his situation was caused by putting poison into his body, and her's was because she was an innocent victim. It was at that time that he threw away his cigarettes and quit "cold turkey."
He would go on to say that this was the easiest decision that he had ever made in his life. He lived until 2002, and I belive that he would have died much sooner--had it not been for her.
My parents discovered that they were pregnant again in 1976. They were nervous, but they felt that things would be fine this time. Fortunately my brother was born healthy, and my parents were ecstatic. I can only imagine how joyous the moment was for them--but it was tempered with worry.
My sister was REALLY sick at that time. She had been in the hospital for quite some time, and my parents were preparing themselves for the worst. To be honest, I have a feeling that my sister knew that she wouldn't be around too much longer, as well.
A couple days after my brother David was born, my parents were able to bring him to Karrie's hospital bed. She actually got to hold her newborn baby brother, and she was so happy. Three weeks after that special moment...she was gone.
I know that I have concentrated a lot on Karrie in this post, but I just want to mention how amazing my parents are. They are still married, and they managed to get through something that would tear many marriages apart. I don't have any kids, and I can't imagine what it is like to bury a child, but my parents had to.
There were times when my father actually saved my sister's life. She had a lot of issues with pneumonia, and there were several times when she stopped breathing--due to the gunk in her lungs. My dad held her upside down, by her legs, and gently shook her to get the stuff out. I don't know how medically sound it was, but it worked.
There are a lot of things related to Karrie's birth that I either left out, or just do not know. I have told my mom, on many ocassions, that she should write a book about the whole experience. She is the most amazing person in the world, and I know that the book would be wonderful.
Before, I close this I want to mention my sister. She was born in 1981--5 years after Karrie's death. So she never knew her at all, but my sister is convinced that Karrie is living her life through her.
Erin, my sister, has told me that she has felt Karrie's presence many times throughout her life...especially on the day that she got married. She felt like she was giving Karrie an experience that she was never able to have. I know that that sounds kind of weird, but it really is a special bond between my sister and Karrie.
This post is something that I have wanted to write for a long time, and it is one of the major reasons why I wanted to blog. This will be my last "heavy" topic for quite some time. I'm normally a very funny, light person. But, I just HAD to write this. Thanks for reading it.
September 7, 2008
Spina Bifida 101
As I have mentioned before, I don't believe that my disability defines me. It does shape some of my perspectives, but it is not my identity. But, I have mentioned it in several blog entries thus far, and I wanted to explain, to anyone reading this, why I am in the chair.
I'm actually faking it for the parking, but don't tell anyone. :) I have a shirt with "Just in it for the Parking" on it, and I love to look at the reactions that I get from people when I wear it.
One of the reasons that I am going indepth about my disability has to do with a blog entry that I have planned for tomorrow. I have very few topics that I have planned out, and I'm actually being very stream-of-consciousness with how this blog will go. But, I have a very special entry planned for tomorrow, and an explanation of my disability will help you understand that entry.
I have always been disabled. I actually am very happy about that, because I have never known any other way of doing things. I didn't have a car accident, diving accident, get shot, etc. Actually I can't imagine how life-changing one of those experiences would be, and I am so thankful that I never had anything "to lose."
I was born with a birth defect called Spina Bifida....it is Latin for "open spine." Even though it has a very strange name, Spina Bifida is actually quite common. It occurs, to some extent in one out of every 1,000 births. Many people can have the mild form of Spina Bifida and not even know it--or show any symptoms.
Some people with very mild cases of it include--Hank Williams, Sr., John Mellencamp, and former Dodgers pitcher, Orel Hershiser. It is actually believed that Hank Williams, Sr. had more than a mild case of it. Some people believe that is why he was in constant pain, and why he became addicted to painkillers.
I'll try to explain my condition without getting overly technical. When I was born, one of my vertebraes was not fully formed. As you might know, the vertebral column protects the spinal cord. Well, a part of my spinal cord stuck out of the opening in the vertebra. When it stuck out of the opening, it created some nerve damage.
I'm actually faking it for the parking, but don't tell anyone. :) I have a shirt with "Just in it for the Parking" on it, and I love to look at the reactions that I get from people when I wear it.
One of the reasons that I am going indepth about my disability has to do with a blog entry that I have planned for tomorrow. I have very few topics that I have planned out, and I'm actually being very stream-of-consciousness with how this blog will go. But, I have a very special entry planned for tomorrow, and an explanation of my disability will help you understand that entry.
I have always been disabled. I actually am very happy about that, because I have never known any other way of doing things. I didn't have a car accident, diving accident, get shot, etc. Actually I can't imagine how life-changing one of those experiences would be, and I am so thankful that I never had anything "to lose."
I was born with a birth defect called Spina Bifida....it is Latin for "open spine." Even though it has a very strange name, Spina Bifida is actually quite common. It occurs, to some extent in one out of every 1,000 births. Many people can have the mild form of Spina Bifida and not even know it--or show any symptoms.
Some people with very mild cases of it include--Hank Williams, Sr., John Mellencamp, and former Dodgers pitcher, Orel Hershiser. It is actually believed that Hank Williams, Sr. had more than a mild case of it. Some people believe that is why he was in constant pain, and why he became addicted to painkillers.
I'll try to explain my condition without getting overly technical. When I was born, one of my vertebraes was not fully formed. As you might know, the vertebral column protects the spinal cord. Well, a part of my spinal cord stuck out of the opening in the vertebra. When it stuck out of the opening, it created some nerve damage.
Spina Bifida is a strange birth defect, because it can affect people in so many different ways. The severity of the condition depends solely on where the lesion occurs on the spinal column.
Apparently my impairment is somewhat rare. Most people with my level of Spina Bifida are completely paralyzed in both legs. I, however, am only paralyzed in my right leg. I can't feel it, move it, or do anything with it. But, I have complete function in my left leg.
Having the ability to use my left leg has opened up so many things to me. I don't have to use hand controls in my car. I drive with my left leg.My car has two gas pedals. I use an aftermarket one that is located on the left side of the brake. When I push down on that one, a bar that is connected to it pushes down on the factory gas pedal for me. That keeps me from having to use my left leg on the regular pedal. It wouldn't be safe or comfortable.
I'm also thankful for being able to use my left leg, because I do have the ability to use crutches. I don't use them as often as I would like, but that is one of my goals. Also, being able to bear weight on my left leg makes it so easy to transfer in and out of my chair. I actually feel quite blessed that I do have those abilities.
But my right leg is basically dead to me. So, I do have to be very careful. In fact, I broke my femur when I was in college. I knew that I had done something very bad to my leg, because I heard a loud pop while I was stretching it. It also went into a position that a leg shouldn't go into.
I went to the health center on campus, and the doctor did not even x-ray it. He told me that I just tore some ligaments in my knee, and everything would heal in time--especially since I didn't walk on it.
That night my leg made a "clicking" sound everytime I rolled over in bed. When I woke up that morning, I had a huge bruise up and down my right leg--from the internal bleeding.
I went to see a "real" doctor, and he took an x-ray of it. He told me that I had snapped my femur in a pretty severe break, and that I needed surgery that day. My mom didn't want me to have surgery 3 1/2 hours away from the family, so my dad drove down to Springfield, MO to get me. Later on that evening, I had surgery on my leg.
I DID NOT FEEL ANY PAIN THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE.
A lot of people have the perception that people with disabilities are sickly. I have had many operations, but I feel that I am quite healthy. Fortunately there has never been a time where my parents thought that they would lose me and that I would die.
I had my first two operations the day that I was a born. The doctors had to close up my back, and then they put a shunt into my head to drain off excess cerebrospinal fluid.
Since that time I have had issues with my kidneys, which is quite common. So I have had many urological surgeries. Fortunately, my kidneys are actually much better than they were in the past. At one time, I was on a pathway to needing an eventual kidney transplant.
I have also had many issues with wounds that do not heal. This has to do with poor bloodflow to my legs. Some of the most emotionally trying times in my life have dealt with this aspect of my condition. In the late 80's, I had about 6 operations on my left foot. There was even a time where I thought I might lose my foot---and most of my left leg. And this is my GOOD leg!
I have a lot more that I can mention, but I have to mention the best comment that I have EVER received from a student. This came from an 8th grader who was TROUBLE with a capital T. But, she and I had a wonderful rapport, and I didn't have any problems with her. She said, "You know Mr. K, whenever I saw you last year, when I was a 7th grader, I would feel sorry for you. Now that I have had you as a teacher, I don't feel sorry for you anymore."
I got that comment about ten years ago, and it still makes me smile. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM GOING FOR. :)
September 6, 2008
Table for One
I have been through a lot in my life. I've had about 30 operations, and I've met a lot of challenges head on. I've had a pretty successful life so far, and I hardly ever get down. In fact I've always prided myself on my ability to rise above my circumstances in life. But, every once in awhile I just get tired of certain aspects of my life. So, I'm going to be on my "pity pot" for a bit.
I'm lonely. I'm 36, and I haven't been in a serious relationship for a long time. In fact, I spend more time by myself than with other people. My happiest times are when I am at work, because I'm surrounded by other people.
I do have some very close friends, but most of them live out of the area. I also have some very special friends that live in town, but they are more interested in staying at home than I am. Like I mentioned in another entry, I love live music, and I love to get out and hear it. So, I tend to do a lot of stuff by myself.
I told myself, long ago, that I would not let me being alone, be a reason for not doing things. So, I eat out alone all the time, and I'm totally fine with that. But, I've done lots of other things alone, like going to concerts, etc. Those are the things that tend to make me feel like a freakin' loser.
Like I mentioned before, I haven't been in a relationship in awhile. I have two main problems that are keeping that from happening. The first one is that I am very shy. It's weird, I am a total extrovert with my students. I have no problem being a leader in the classroom, and I am at total ease there. But, I tend to clam up in social situations. So, I'm never going to be the guy that hits on all the girls at the bar. But that's ok...those guys are annoying.
The other problem, is that I've received some good-intentioned, but very hurtful, comments in the past. I've heard things like, "Kevin, you'll never find someone until you lose weight. No one will ever be interested in a guy as fat as you."
I know that I am overweight, and I have been taking steps to work on that. But when I get comments like that, the self-doubt comes rushing in. BTW, I'm not losing weight for the people that have made those comments--I'm losing weight for ME and my health.
Now I have been told, many times, that I am an attractive guy. I don't want to sound cocky, but I do feel that I am decent looking. But, it's that stupid shyness and lingering self-doubt that tends to sabotage me all the time. Both of these factors keep me from really showing the "real" Kevin to people. The people that truly know me, know that I am very talkative, and I love to make people laugh. But that side of me is lost in the fog.
It's strange, my disability isn't really a huge factor in my loneliness. This is a strange statement, but I don't "look" disabled. I just look like a regular guy that happens to be sitting down in a wheelchair. So, I have never gotten hurtful comments from people saying stuff like, "No one will ever like a guy in a wheelchair."
I'm currently doing Eharmony, and that has me frustrated. BTW, I mention my disability in my profile on the site. I decided that I wanted to use it as a filter. I mention the fact that I am in a wheelchair, but I try to use humor to downplay it. It really doesn't define me, and my profile is very casual about mentioning it.
I use it as a filter, because I want to be upfront with people. I have tried other dating services in the past, where I have not mentioned it upfront. I have had many initial phone conversations with women before, where I mentioned it near the end of the phone call. Then, I would get a comment like, "I'm going to be out-of-town this week, but I'll call you later." Of course, they never called back.
So, I just mention it now and get it out of the way. I've had PLENTY of people close me out in the past. I'm sure some have closed me out due to lack of chemistry, etc. However, I'm sure that many others have closed me out due to the disability. When you close out a person in Eharmony, you are supposed to indicate why--by choosing from a list of predetermined reasons. I have had MANY people close me out--by checking "Other". But that is ok. I want someone that is open-minded enough to date someone in a wheelchair. Besides, it has tons of advantages--good parking, great seats at concerts/sporting events, etc. :)
But, I haven't had much success with Eharmony lately. I am in the "open" communication stage with several different women, and I have just been playing phone tag with them. This is my second attempt with Eharmony, and the frustrating thing is that I haven't had any dates with anyone during this second attempt at it. I really doubt that I will renew my membership when it expires in a few weeks.
I don't know if anyone will read this blog, but that's ok. I just needed to vent. It's weird, I had my mp3 player going in my car as I was driving home tonight. One of the songs that came on was "Grey Street" by the Dave Matthews Band. The song is about being lonely, and wanting to redo your life. Fortunately my situation isn't as bleak as the protagonist of the song, but my life is quite "grey" at times.
Like I said, I don't know if anyone is reading my stuff, but feel free to click on my profile and contact me if you have any questions or comments.
I'm lonely. I'm 36, and I haven't been in a serious relationship for a long time. In fact, I spend more time by myself than with other people. My happiest times are when I am at work, because I'm surrounded by other people.
I do have some very close friends, but most of them live out of the area. I also have some very special friends that live in town, but they are more interested in staying at home than I am. Like I mentioned in another entry, I love live music, and I love to get out and hear it. So, I tend to do a lot of stuff by myself.
I told myself, long ago, that I would not let me being alone, be a reason for not doing things. So, I eat out alone all the time, and I'm totally fine with that. But, I've done lots of other things alone, like going to concerts, etc. Those are the things that tend to make me feel like a freakin' loser.
Like I mentioned before, I haven't been in a relationship in awhile. I have two main problems that are keeping that from happening. The first one is that I am very shy. It's weird, I am a total extrovert with my students. I have no problem being a leader in the classroom, and I am at total ease there. But, I tend to clam up in social situations. So, I'm never going to be the guy that hits on all the girls at the bar. But that's ok...those guys are annoying.
The other problem, is that I've received some good-intentioned, but very hurtful, comments in the past. I've heard things like, "Kevin, you'll never find someone until you lose weight. No one will ever be interested in a guy as fat as you."
I know that I am overweight, and I have been taking steps to work on that. But when I get comments like that, the self-doubt comes rushing in. BTW, I'm not losing weight for the people that have made those comments--I'm losing weight for ME and my health.
Now I have been told, many times, that I am an attractive guy. I don't want to sound cocky, but I do feel that I am decent looking. But, it's that stupid shyness and lingering self-doubt that tends to sabotage me all the time. Both of these factors keep me from really showing the "real" Kevin to people. The people that truly know me, know that I am very talkative, and I love to make people laugh. But that side of me is lost in the fog.
It's strange, my disability isn't really a huge factor in my loneliness. This is a strange statement, but I don't "look" disabled. I just look like a regular guy that happens to be sitting down in a wheelchair. So, I have never gotten hurtful comments from people saying stuff like, "No one will ever like a guy in a wheelchair."
I'm currently doing Eharmony, and that has me frustrated. BTW, I mention my disability in my profile on the site. I decided that I wanted to use it as a filter. I mention the fact that I am in a wheelchair, but I try to use humor to downplay it. It really doesn't define me, and my profile is very casual about mentioning it.
I use it as a filter, because I want to be upfront with people. I have tried other dating services in the past, where I have not mentioned it upfront. I have had many initial phone conversations with women before, where I mentioned it near the end of the phone call. Then, I would get a comment like, "I'm going to be out-of-town this week, but I'll call you later." Of course, they never called back.
So, I just mention it now and get it out of the way. I've had PLENTY of people close me out in the past. I'm sure some have closed me out due to lack of chemistry, etc. However, I'm sure that many others have closed me out due to the disability. When you close out a person in Eharmony, you are supposed to indicate why--by choosing from a list of predetermined reasons. I have had MANY people close me out--by checking "Other". But that is ok. I want someone that is open-minded enough to date someone in a wheelchair. Besides, it has tons of advantages--good parking, great seats at concerts/sporting events, etc. :)
But, I haven't had much success with Eharmony lately. I am in the "open" communication stage with several different women, and I have just been playing phone tag with them. This is my second attempt with Eharmony, and the frustrating thing is that I haven't had any dates with anyone during this second attempt at it. I really doubt that I will renew my membership when it expires in a few weeks.
I don't know if anyone will read this blog, but that's ok. I just needed to vent. It's weird, I had my mp3 player going in my car as I was driving home tonight. One of the songs that came on was "Grey Street" by the Dave Matthews Band. The song is about being lonely, and wanting to redo your life. Fortunately my situation isn't as bleak as the protagonist of the song, but my life is quite "grey" at times.
Like I said, I don't know if anyone is reading my stuff, but feel free to click on my profile and contact me if you have any questions or comments.
September 2, 2008
A Brainstorm
I will admit that most of my best teaching ideas just kind of "pop" into my head. I can be sitting around really trying to think of something creative to do, and I won't be able to think of anything. But, if I just relax and not think about things too much, I can usually have a great idea just kind of appear. I had one of those today.
One of the classes that I teach is a computer graphics course. This is a project-based class, and each student is responsible for keeping themselves on track to get each project done in a timely fashion. I am very laid-back, so I don't mind if the students talk A LITTLE while they WORK. However, some students have been talking about 80% of the time, and that leaves a paltry 20% for work. So I had an idea...
I brought my digital camera today, and I took a picture of each student and their screen at the beginning of the hour. I told them that their screen at the end of the hour should look substantially different than this initial picture. In this particular class I use effort as a small part of their grade. So I let them know that this would be how I would truly judge their effort level in class.
I was amazed at how well this worked. After they realized that I now had a way to show how much time they were wasting, they got to work. All of the students stayed on task and were focused. There was still a little bit of the talking today, but that's ok. They were working very hard.
It took very little time to take the pictures at the beginning of the hour, and this definitely is something I am going to do a lot in that class.
One of the classes that I teach is a computer graphics course. This is a project-based class, and each student is responsible for keeping themselves on track to get each project done in a timely fashion. I am very laid-back, so I don't mind if the students talk A LITTLE while they WORK. However, some students have been talking about 80% of the time, and that leaves a paltry 20% for work. So I had an idea...
I brought my digital camera today, and I took a picture of each student and their screen at the beginning of the hour. I told them that their screen at the end of the hour should look substantially different than this initial picture. In this particular class I use effort as a small part of their grade. So I let them know that this would be how I would truly judge their effort level in class.
I was amazed at how well this worked. After they realized that I now had a way to show how much time they were wasting, they got to work. All of the students stayed on task and were focused. There was still a little bit of the talking today, but that's ok. They were working very hard.
It took very little time to take the pictures at the beginning of the hour, and this definitely is something I am going to do a lot in that class.
September 1, 2008
Gluttony
Today was a very good day, for the most part. I went over to my parent's house, and we had a little family get-together. I really love my family a lot, and I'm fortunate to say that we all live within 40 minutes of one another. So we do get to see each other a lot.
I brought some appetizers, as I usually do. I purchased a dip from the grocery store, and I made a taco dip. This taco dip is just something that I threw together a little while ago, and everyone seems to like it.
Well, as I am wont to do sometimes, I grazed all afternoon. I used to eat way too much, and then I realized that I really didn't like that feeling of being full or stuffed. So it has been quite a long time since I have eaten like that.
Unfortunately I overdid it today. I ate some of what I brought, and then my mom also had a good appetizer. I also had a couple of beers, and I really wasn't hungry by the time that dinner was served.
But that didn't keep me from eating. However, I did eat a small amount after dinner, and I tried to prevent that feeling of being stuffed. I tried, but I was not successful.
After dinner my stomach started to hurt, and I just felt so run-down. I was uncomfortable, and I was mad at myself for getting out of control. It wouldn't have been so bad if I would have gone straight home, but my mom wanted to have a game night.
My brother and his family left pretty soon after dinner, and then I stayed behind with my parents, and my sister and her husband. We had a lot of fun playing games, but I was miserable the whole time. I DON'T EVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT AGAIN.
So my goal this week is to get my butt in the gym. I need to control my portions more, and I need to stick to my food plan, which I'll discuss later. I made a mistake today, but I can't change the past. I need to move on, and work on keeping this from happening again. That is one of the reasons why I am doing this blog. I need to put my mistakes out there for the world to see.
I brought some appetizers, as I usually do. I purchased a dip from the grocery store, and I made a taco dip. This taco dip is just something that I threw together a little while ago, and everyone seems to like it.
Well, as I am wont to do sometimes, I grazed all afternoon. I used to eat way too much, and then I realized that I really didn't like that feeling of being full or stuffed. So it has been quite a long time since I have eaten like that.
Unfortunately I overdid it today. I ate some of what I brought, and then my mom also had a good appetizer. I also had a couple of beers, and I really wasn't hungry by the time that dinner was served.
But that didn't keep me from eating. However, I did eat a small amount after dinner, and I tried to prevent that feeling of being stuffed. I tried, but I was not successful.
After dinner my stomach started to hurt, and I just felt so run-down. I was uncomfortable, and I was mad at myself for getting out of control. It wouldn't have been so bad if I would have gone straight home, but my mom wanted to have a game night.
My brother and his family left pretty soon after dinner, and then I stayed behind with my parents, and my sister and her husband. We had a lot of fun playing games, but I was miserable the whole time. I DON'T EVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT AGAIN.
So my goal this week is to get my butt in the gym. I need to control my portions more, and I need to stick to my food plan, which I'll discuss later. I made a mistake today, but I can't change the past. I need to move on, and work on keeping this from happening again. That is one of the reasons why I am doing this blog. I need to put my mistakes out there for the world to see.
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