tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10687522163752565462024-03-05T11:37:36.957-06:00From Where I Sit...The thoughts, opinions, and writings of a son, brother, friend, teacher, and all-around good guy. :)Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-59225938117039620662010-12-17T22:26:00.000-06:002010-12-17T22:26:36.098-06:00I Was There When...Have you ever watched a person tragically die right in front of your eyes? Have you ever been witness to an event that made the front page of newspapers all over the country? I have, and the experience is one that I will never forget. In fact all I have are my memories, because it happened before the advent of youtube, and there are no videos of the incident. <br />
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It was shocking, sad, and tragic. There are a lot of words that can accurately describe the situation, but "<b>groovy</b>" is not one of them. Unfortunately groovy is the word-o-the-day, so I won't be able to finish this story now. Hopefully there will be an appropriate word sometime later, because it really is interesting.<br />
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A lot comes to mind when I think of the word groovy, but I decided to focus on my "<b>Top 3 Pop Culture References</b>" that I think of when I hear that word.<br />
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3. <b>Greg Brady as Johnny Bravo</b>--As a child of the 70's, I have logged countless hours in front of the television set watching episodes of The Brady Bunch. Everything about this episode is groovy--from the vocabulary of the record producer, to the threads of Brady, as Bravo. The one thing that was not groovy, however, was Greg's initial decision to skip going to college. Fortunately, Greg realized that the producers only wanted him, because he fit the suit. It was a tough lesson for him to learn, but what's the Brady Bunch without a lesson in every episode?<br />
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2. <b>Phil Collins's version of "A Groovy Kind of Love"</b>--For one point, name the group that did the original version of this song in the 60's. For another point, name the movie (also starring Phil Collins) that had this song as a part of its soundtrack. The answers will be at the end of this entry. <br />
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This song is the perfect example of a song that was completely overplayed, during its heyday. It's also the typical example of the synth-pop kind of music that Collins was churning out at this time. It's unfortunate, that Collins has become synonymous with this kind of "Lite FM" stuff. Because when Collins was part of Genesis-and I'm talking in the Peter Gabriel days, he was a helluva drummer. I actually have a lot of respect for his musicianship, but not much respect for this stuff. But, you have to admit that some of it is pretty infectious.<br />
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3. <b>"Groove is in the Heart" by Deee-Lite</b>--First, a disclaimer....I am straight. With that being said, I freaking love this song. I love to dance, and this song is one of those wedding reception standards that I really enjoy. I mean what's not to like...you've got Bootsy Collins, a chick in a unitard, Q-tip doing a rap, and a slide whistle. I know that this is a bold statement, but I would venture to say that this is my favorite song ever to feature the slide whistle.<br />
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Before I end this entry, I have some unfinished business. The group that did "A Groovy Kind of Love" was The Mindbenders, and the name of the movie was "Buster." If you knew both of those answers, I would say congratulations. But it's actually kind of sad.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-22398421147772606482010-12-17T19:20:00.000-06:002010-12-17T19:20:50.208-06:00It's All About the DestinationOverly rigid and closed-minded people drive me nuts. They almost piss me off as much as handicapped bathroom stalls that open inward, but not quite.<br />
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I know plenty of people that are super-structured and rigid, and they are great people. I just don't enjoy that aspect of their personality, and I'm sure that it drives them nuts that I am on the other end of the spectrum. They probably see me as being scatterbrained and directionless.<br />
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Now, I have mentioned before that I am laid-back, but that doesn't mean that I shirk responsibility or am habitually late. In fact I am usually early, because I always account for the five minutes, or so, that it takes for me to reassemble my wheelchair after I take it out of my car. <br />
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I have taken the Myers-Briggs personality test several times over the years, and I always score right in the middle in the dimension that measures spontaneity versus being structured. So, I do believe that it is important to have structures and procedures in the classroom. It just helps things run smoother if students know where to turn in work, etc..<br />
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My belief in life, and in the classroom, is that it really doesn't matter <b>how</b> you arrived at a destination. The fact that you got there, is the most important thing. Now please don't think I am talking about a "win at all costs" kind of attitude. I think that it's vitally important to reach the "ends" only after an ethical "means." I just think that there should be a sense of flexibility in those means.<br />
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I have encountered so many teachers over the years that believe that there is just one way to accomplish a certain goal. I think that's b.s. There are tons of different ways, and according to the lyrics of Diff'rent Strokes (penned by Alan Thicke, by the way) "What might be right for you, may not be right for some." <br />
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But what my laid-back personality all boils down to, is this one fact...I don't mind <b>chaos</b>. <br />
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I love it when I have five different things going on in my classroom. I really enjoy giving my students plenty of choices when I want them to do a project. I also make a lot of my assignments open-ended, and this drives my super-structured students nuts! So to appease them, I tell them specifically how I want them to do the assignment, and it makes them feel better.<br />
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During my first year of teaching, I had a supervisor that was incredibly rigid. For example, she would criticize my lesson plans because they weren't as thorough as her's. She showed me her plans one day, and I was shocked at how she wrote <b>everything</b> down. She included all of her terms, definitions, examples, etc. It was more like a script than a plan.<br />
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She wanted me to do it that way too. Since I was a first-year teacher, I relented, but I hated it. My feeling is is that if I already know that profit is revenue-expenses, why the hell should I have to write it down in my lesson plan?!? But she didn't see the logic in that argument.<br />
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But realistically I know that the rigid people are always going to be rigid, and the laid-back people (like myself) are always going to be laid-back. But the world would be a much better place if we just forgot about the little details, and we just focused on the end product. Well that's at least how I see it, and it's my blog...so I win. :)Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-39271232132073505352010-12-15T23:45:00.003-06:002010-12-16T14:45:38.286-06:00C'mon Friday!This has been a great semester, overall. I have great students, and some of my classes are so good that I am convinced that I could probably go home, and then come back to find them still working and on task.<br />
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Every teacher always has one class each semester that is not quite up to the level of the others. There has to be a challenging class, otherwise things would be just too easy. I have a class like that, but this class isn't just challenging....they're abysmal. Now, I have had rougher classes when I taught middle school, but these guys take the cake at the high school level.<br />
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I am an incredibly patient person, but they are <span style="font-weight:bold;">exasperating</span> beyond belief! The class is loud, very immature, and content with mediocrity. They aren't motivated to work hard, because they just don't give a damn.<br />
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The class also has a mixture of students that is really challenging. I have multiple students with special needs, four students that come from broken homes and/or foster care, and an inordinate number of freshman. I believe that if these students were mixed into other classes, they would be able to behave. But this mixture has created a kind of "perfect storm."<br />
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But, alas, I only have to put up with them for 90 more minutes! Their final will be on Friday, and my class is only for a semester. So I am done with them after Friday!<br />
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Over the last few years, I have often thought about becoming an English teacher. However, I love being an elective teacher for many reasons. The fact that I only have to deal with rotten classes for one semester is reason number one!Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-79125289545501385772010-12-15T11:45:00.004-06:002010-12-16T14:46:02.424-06:00Flibbertigibbet?!? Seriously?!?So this post has to be about the word flibbertigibbet. Up until yesterday, I had always thought that this was just a made-up, nonsensical word. I was wrong. It actually means "A silly, scatterbrained, or garrulous person." <br />
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I'm actually a big fan of silly and scatterbrained people, because it's just so easy to prank them or give them a hard time. What's even better is that most of the time, they don't even realize what you are doing to them either.<br />
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While I don't regard many of my students as being flibbergibbety (if that is a word), I still like to have fun with them, nonetheless. Over the years, I have played some pretty good pranks. Here is one of my favorites:<br />
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When I taught middle school, I shared a classroom with another business ed. teacher. We were both full-time teachers, but we only had one dedicated business classroom. So one of us was always teaching in a regular teacher's classroom, while the other was in the business ed. room. It wasn't ideal, but we made it work.<br />
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When either one of us was on our prep hour, though, we would hang out in the business classroom. So I got to watch Chris teach a lot, and he did the same to me. We were good friends, and we didn't mind this arrangement. We just had fun with it. One of the ways that we did that was by playing pranks on each either...and sometimes the kids.<br />
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One day, we each decided to casually mention to some students that our room, Room 150, was supposedly haunted. We even created a backstory and a a name for our spectre. Even though we each only mentioned the ghost to a few students, the rumor spread like wildfire right away.<br />
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We each had our own teacher desk and computer in the classroom, but we also had one desk and computer in our storage closet. So one day, I went into the storage closet immediately after teaching 2nd hour. Chris had the room next, so his students came in for 3rd hour. <br />
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While he was lecturing, I used my computer to tap into the computer of a particular student. I started by just casually messing around with her desktop. She called Chris over, and he dismissed it as being nothing, but he did plant the seed about the ghost.<br />
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As the hour progressed, I started to do more things with her computer. It all culminated into me opening up Word and "communicating" with her. She kept accusing Chris, but he was up in the front of the classroom, and she had no idea that I was sitting in the closet.<br />
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We kept this going at random times in the hour, but I scared her too much when I described what she was wearing that day. Chris actually supplied this information to me when he came into the closet to "get" a box of staples. Anyway, after I did that, she ended up letting out a scream, and she got scared.<br />
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I felt bad about that, so I came out of hiding, and we let her in on the prank. Fortunately she was a good sport about it. We actually had chosen her on purpose, because we both knew that she was a great kid, and she would see the humor in it.<br />
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Chris and I pulled a few other pranks during the five years that we worked together, but the ghost one will always be my favorite.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-87486663977557469342010-12-15T08:40:00.005-06:002010-12-16T14:46:25.390-06:00Dear Inconsiderate Bastard,The topic for this post is the word "apathetic." I am actually a couple of days behind, and technically, apathetic is supposed to be the word for Monday, but I have been procrastinating. <br />
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I actually wrote a blog entry right after the word was announced. It was the typical teacher rant about how kids these days just don't care. But, I wasn't happy with it, and I was actually hoping for a new source of inspiration to come along. I found it today.<br />
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I hardly ever get mad. I'm just a laid-back, even-keel, kind of guy. A lot of people might misconstrue that as being aloof or <strong>apathetic</strong>, and that's just not the case. There are some things that I care deeply about, but I feel that most things aren't worth getting upset about.<br />
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But something happened this morning, when I was trying to get to work, and I am still pissed about it. It even caused me to be about an hour late.<br />
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I park on a parking lot, and when I got out to my car today, I discovered that some jackwagon in a red Dodge Caliber had decided to create his own parking spot about a foot away from my driver's side door! I can overcome just about any obstacle that I face because of my disability, but this kind of thing is like kryptonite to me.<br />
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So I sat outside and waited for someone, anyone, to come out to the parking lot. I needed to have someone back my car out of the spot for me. It takes a lot of trust to let a stranger get into your car, but it's something that I've had to do a few times, over the years. <br />
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Unfortunately the parking lot was completely empty. I was cold, and I went inside to knock on the door of a neighbor that helps me out a lot. Unfortunately, he didn't answer.<br />
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I ended up calling the local police department to help. Not surprisingly, the second after I hung up with the dispatcher, everyone started heading out to the parking lot. Even my neighbor came out of his home. But, I wanted to wait for the police, so I declined his offer to help.<br />
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Long story short, the officer came, and she backed my car out for me. She ran the plates on the car, and unfortunately, they came up clean. I was really hoping that she would be able to bust them on something. <br />
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So now I am at work, and I wish I would have left a note for the owner of the car. Hence the name for this post. I shouldn't let this thing tick me off so much, but it really has. I don't think this idiot tried to do it intentionally. He wasn't trying to "screw over the cripple." People just don't think sometimes.<br />
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So while I am apathetic about a lot of things, there are some issues that clearly elecit a strong response from me. Most of the things that get me going aren't even disability-related. I have been doing the disability thing for so long that it takes a lot to get me upset. <br />
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With all that being said, don't get me started on the subject of handicapped bathroom stall doors that open inward!!Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-32908707085949258842010-12-13T08:23:00.003-06:002010-12-13T23:14:57.868-06:00Hangin' With DweezilLast Wednesday, I experienced something that was jaw-dropping, mind-blowing, and just a helluva lot of fun. At the advice of a friend, I went with him to the <a href="http://www.zappaplayszappa.com"> "Zappa Plays Zappa" </a>concert.<br /><br />"Zappa Plays Zappa" is a tribute concert led by Dweezil Zappa, the son of the late Frank Zappa. I consider myself to be quite knowledgeable about music and music trivia, but up until that evening I had only heard a song or two by the man. All I really knew about him was that he was a long-haired artist from the 70's. Thankfully, during the concert, I learned that his legacy was so much more than that.<br /><br />From the first note to the last, I sat in disbelief, as I watched a group of talented musicians tackle music that was incredibly complex and challenging. Even though I play piano and understand music, I was impressed, and confused, by the unique time signatures and multi-layered instrumentation coming from the band. <br /><br />The music at times was melodic and beautiful, while other times it was a <strong>cacophony</strong> of unique sounds unlike anything that I had ever heard before. Jarring sound effects burst through the air to create a soundscape that was unique and wholly original.<br /><br />Besides the obvious talent of the band members, the other thing that affected me the most was Dweezil himself. Here was a man that clearly understood the legacy of his father. He demonstrated a reverence toward Zappa's music, and yet he never deified his father to the crowd. He was more than content to be the leader of this "mutual admiration society" for the man.<br /><br />Since last week's show, I have tried to learn as much as possible about the music of Zappa. With each new factoid that I have learned about him, I have gained more respect for his musical genius. <br /><br />He was an incredibly prolific artist. During his lifetime, Zappa released a total of 62 albums--sometimes releasing an album every three months. These albums were not full of derivative pop drivel either. Each album was filled with multi-genre, complex songs that are still regarded by skilled musicians as being a challenge to play. <br /><br />I don't anticipate becoming a hardcore fan of Zappa's and purchasing all 62 albums. With that being said, I do plan on becoming familiar with the "essentials" of his catalog. And you can bet your life that I will be at the next "Zappa Plays Zappa" concert that comes to town.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-20603018446562283042010-12-12T22:32:00.003-06:002010-12-13T08:22:36.087-06:00Available....But Not LookingI have written many blog posts about dating and loneliness, in the past. The issue used to keep me up at night, and I would get sad about my singleness. Fortunately, as a result of some big life lessons, I no longer feel this way. I am content with my life.<br /><br />Back in January, I dealt with some very scary health issues. I won't take the time to rehash the specifics, because I have already chronicled the ordeal in a previous blog post. But, the whole experience has been life-changing for me, and it has really caused me to reexamine my choices and feelings.<br /><br />I used to have very low self-esteem, but this trial has helped me to realize that I do matter, and I need to treat myself with love and respect. I wasn't loving myself by gorging my body full of crappy food. Sure, it tasted great, but the fulfillment that I received from the gluttony was fleeting at best. <br /><br />By loving myself, I have made some great strides in my life. I would love to report that I have dropped tons of weight since my hospitalization, but sadly that isn't the case. The weight has come off, but much more slowly than I want. What I am happy about is that my blood pressure is normal, and my diabetes has all but disappeared. <br /><br />Even though I have been concentrating on myself as-of-late, that doesn't mean that I have completely stopped admiring the opposite sex. That part of me will never change. I'm just not fixated on trying to find a mate, and I'm concentrating more on making myself the best possible person that I can be. <br /><br />After all, I may never get married and find a mate. But, I am stuck with myself for the rest of my life. I might as well make "me" the best possible "me" that I can be.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-84712841896219144622010-12-12T22:29:00.001-06:002010-12-12T22:29:49.067-06:00Waning EnthusiasmA little over a year ago, I started something that I should have started a decade ago, but I never did. That something is my Master's Degree. Now that I am officially 90% complete with the program, I am happy to have done it, but my enthusiasm level is gone.<br /><br />I am pursuing my degree through Arkansas State University. The program has been ideal for me for several reasons. First, the degree is completely online, and I have only had to take one class at-a-time. Also, each class is only five weeks in length, so it is easy to earn a lot of credits in a short amount of time. Finally, the program has been quite affordable for me.<br /><br />Out of all of these benefits, the five week class length has been my saving grace. It's fairly easy to put up with anything for only five weeks. <br /><br />I am going through the program with several other teachers in my building, and it has been so helpful to be with people that are exactly in the same boat as myself. When we all went through the statistics class, I think we only communicated through glazed-over expressions and grunts indicating how many more weeks we had in that class. <br /><br />I have one more class to go, but I'm spent. This most recent class was a struggle for me, because I just didn't care. Up until that point I had earned all As, and I had a laser-like focus on that 4.0. But my philosophy changed during that class. I just wanted to get it over with, and my sentiment was echoed by most of my coworkers.<br /><br />Fortunately I did enough to earn my 9th A in-a-row. So even though my tank is running low, I am motivated to get that last A. Unfortunately, I have to wait until April. The last class is considered to be a capstone class, and it is only offered at certain times.<br /><br />So I have several months to prepare myself mentally for this last class. Right now my enthusiasm level is really low, but come April, it will need to be higher. Oh hell, even if it's not, I'll be ok. It's only for five weeks.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-30878758371699166922010-12-12T22:28:00.002-06:002010-12-13T10:27:07.370-06:00A Surprising IntroductionSome time ago, I was hanging out with my friend Bob watching a movie. Bob, is a filmmaker and holds a film degree, so one might think that we were watching an art-house film or some cinematic masterpiece. But noooo, we were watching a wonderfully bad movie from the 80's. This movie is so bad that it makes <span style="font-style:italic;">Stop or My Mom Will Shoot</span> look like something from the <a href="http://connect.afi.com/site/DocServer/movies100.pdf?docID=264">A.F.I.</a> list. But, I have to admit that it's a guilty pleasure of mine.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Moving Violations</span> is the tale of Dana Cannon, a sarcastic wiseass, who finds himself in traffic school after one-too-many traffic tickets. Cannon is played masterfully by one of the Murray brothers. Was it Bill? Of course not. What about the prolific Brian Doyle Murray? No way. It wasn't even the "3rd string" Murray brother, Joel, of <span style="font-style:italic;">Dharma and Greg</span> fame. This movie stared John Murray.<br /><br />Not surprisingly, Murray's IMDB reference is sparse. After doing Moving Violations, in 1985 and Scrooged in 1988, his acting career laid dormant until he finally burst back on the scene in 2007.<br /><br />But I digress, for John Murray is not the point of this post. During this viewing of the movie, I noticed something...or someone, that I had not noticed before. During one scene, I spied a familiar actor playing a fast food employee. That actor was Don Cheadle.<br /><br />After I recognized Cheadle, I went to his IMDB page, and I saw that this cinematic classic was his first movie. I know that every actor probably has a movie in their resume that they would like to forget, but I was surprised to see that this movie was his first introduction to the world of film.<br /><br />Everyone says that you only have one chance to make a first impression, and while I do believe that is true, it's also important to not let that first impression pigeonhole you. Cheadle has been able to rise above his debut in a forgettable movie and develop into a highly-regarded actor. <br /><br />So while we can't change the introduction/impression we leave with others, we are in control of what we do after that. A true author never publishes a work that only contains an introduction. They continue the story, because that's when the amazing stuff happens.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-46822295395491344502010-12-08T23:32:00.005-06:002010-12-10T12:50:09.007-06:00Dipping My Toe Back in the WaterAs is painfully evident, I haven't done "jack" with this blog in a long time. It hasn't been due to writer's block or lack of time. It's just one of those things. <br /><br />BUT, I have been invited to take up a challenge, and this is just what I need to get back into writing. Some colleagues of mine (who are awesome people, by the way) have created a writing challenge. Each day, a new word will be selected as the word of the day. Then, we have to create a blog entry about that word. Today's word is...adore.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Adore</span><br /><br />Adoring something or someone is a very strong sentiment to behold. There are some people and places in my life that I will always adore. For example, my family is the most precious thing in the world to me, and that will never change. I also adore the memories that I have from spending summers at the Lake of the Ozarks with my grandparents. Those memories will always be part of what makes me "Kevin".<br /><br />But it's really interesting for me to think about some of the things/people that I "thought" that I adored at one time. I realize that life is a journey, but there are so many times in my life when my adoration for someone or something was completely off-kilter and out-of-whack. It caused me to lose my focus on what was truly important for me and my life.<br /><br />Fortunately, as I sit here just days before my 39th birthday, I can say that I have learned to adore simplicity. I no longer feel the need to be around people that aren't a positive influence on my life. I don't need the drama, and I don't need these kind of people in my life.<br /><br />I adore what I need to be happy. I've got my family, friends, myself, and God. That works for me.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-9213092415651940962010-03-09T23:48:00.002-06:002010-03-10T00:07:26.374-06:00Faith Found Part 2After I posted my last entry, I realized that I forgot two quick things that I wanted to mention. Something happened last week after my meeting that also showed me how God was completely in control of the timing, etc. <br /><br />I didn't mention this before, but the meeting I had last week was actually with two people. Originally, I left the meeting still frustrated, but feeling mildly better. They had given me some news that made things more manageable, but things were still not pleasant.<br /><br />Before I left the building, I decided to get a drink because my throat was pretty dry. So when I got to down to the lobby of the building, I stopped into the cafeteria there to get a fountain soda. I was actually at the machine, putting ice in my cup, when the two ladies from the meeting came off of the elevator. I actually thought that they were on break, so I was surprised that they came straight to me.<br /><br />One of the two ladies told me that she was so glad that I hadn't left yet. They had decided to just essentially make things go away. As I mentioned before, they could tell that there was no justifiable reason to deal with this old issue again. <br /><br />After they told me that news, I really wanted to give both of the ladies a big hug, but I didn't. I then happily drank my soda, and headed to the parking lot. When I left the building, I had to roll up a pretty big hill to get to my car, but I didn't care...I was soooo happy.<br /><br />The drive home was very joyful and relaxing. As I was driving home, I realized that if I hadn't decided to make myself a drink, I would have missed the good news from the ladies. I'm sure that there would have been a positive message on my answering machine when I got home, but by receiving this news face-to-face, I was really able to start praising God right away. I can't stress enough how perfect the timing was.<br /><br />The other thing I wanted to mention is a song that has been going through my head a lot lately. As I mentioned in my faith post, I have had a lot of anger at God in the past. But it's ok to be angry at God. In fact, he wants us to be "real" with him. It does no good to try to b.s. God. That's the message of this song, and I just have to remember that it's ok to let him know when I'm upset. He's a big boy, and he can take it. :)<br /><br />Anyway the song is by a Christian rock band called The 77's. It's called "For Crying Out Loud." I highly recommend it, and here's a youtube link for it.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aazP_ddr1w">For Crying Out Loud</a>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-55904454338687417072010-03-06T17:42:00.007-06:002010-03-06T18:58:30.355-06:00Faith FoundWhen I was in high school and college, my faith was very important to me. During my high school years, the time that I spent with the youth group helped to shape me as an adult. My best friends were all part of the group, and I still consider the leader, Keith, to be one of the most influential people in my life--and I have not seen him in 20 years.<br /><br />When I got to college, I became a part of a campus ministry, and I made some great friends in the group. The amazing thing about the college ministry is that three of my best friends from my high school group (Rob, Jenn, and Karl) also went to the same college that I did. So the four of us were part of the college group too, and we were able to add to the abundant memories that our high school experience afforded us. Much like Keith (my high school leader), Dave, the college leader, became a huge part of my life. <br /><br />At that time, I was on fire for God. I spent time reading the Bible, and I spent quality time furthering my walk with God. Unfortunately as time went on, God's influence started to lessen in my life. I never doubted His existence in my life, but His importance started to wane. I knew that I wanted to work on this, but it was always one of those things that I was going to "get around" to fixing.<br /><br />Unfortunately it got to the point that if you were to honestly ask me about God in the last few years or so, I would tell you that I was agnostic. To be honest, part of me would want to claim myself as an atheist, but I don't think I had the balls to go that far in that direction. <br /><br />I honestly did not feel God's presence in my life. In fact, I felt like I was God's "whipping boy," and I kind of felt that He (if He existed) got some kind of sick amusement out of testing me or dashing all of my dreams. I know that it was a selfish way to think, but I really thought, "Hey God, if you're truly out there, why do so many parts of my life suck so much? I'm a good guy, would you just cut me some freakin' slack!" I had a lot of anger at God, and that's why I tended to doubt His existence. So for the better part of the last few years, I would just "pretend" to believe. <br /><br />I secretly wanted to be proven wrong, and I think that's what kept me from adopting an atheistic viewpoint. I didn't want to have to give up, but I wasn't in the mood to keep trusting in something/someone that I really didn't "get".<br /><br />NOTE: The rest of this blog entry is going to be intentionally vague, and that's because it deals with an aspect of my life that I don't feel comfortable discussing in a public forum. However, it is a huge part of my faith story. With that being said...<br /><br />Several months ago, I encountered some strife from something in my past. This was something that I had dealt with years ago. I learned from the lesson, and it changed me as a person. In fact when this part of my past started to rear its ugly head again, the first thing that I did was get angry at God. I said to God, "OK! I'm pissed! I have already learned my lesson about this! Why did you let this come up again?!?!?"<br /><br />Over the last couple of months this thing that shouldn't have even come up, started to get unnecessarily complicated. I felt like I was in the movie Groundhog Day and reliving one of the worst moments of my life. Nobody wants to relive a bad memory--especially one that serves no purpose or new lesson.<br /><br />Even though I had been agnostic, I started to do what any desperate man would do--I started to reach out to God. I started praying that someone with common sense would come along, and that this issue would be dealt with. I would encounter people that would agree with me, but then they would say that there was nothing that they could do. I was stuck in bureaucratic hell.<br /><br />My level of frustration piqued at the same time that I got sick at the end of January. While I was in the hospital I found out that part of my world had been scheduled to come crashing down around me, on that first day that I was there. Then I found out that the "crashing" could be postponed until I got out of the hospital and healthy...oh freakin' joy!<br /><br />When I got released, I had some post-hospital care issues that were not practical to deal with in a classroom setting, so I took some time off from work. This time off from school was extremely fruitful, because it allowed me to heal and become healthier, and it allowed me to try to rectify this issue. Once again, I was just looking for someone to understand, and I was determined to find them.<br /><br />Things were up in the air until last Tuesday. I requested a meeting with someone who I thought could help. This person had the authority to wield that "common sense" that I was looking for. On the way to the appointment, I did a lot of praying. Once again, I was a desperate man, and I was looking for a lifeline.<br /><br />Fortunately the meeting went better than even expected. She was able to look at my situation, and she could hear the frustration in my voice. She could see the needlessness of the issue, and she possessed the power to get me out of that bureaucratic hell. She was able to wave her magic wand, and this burden which had taken its toll on me (for a second time) went away. Immediately I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders.<br /><br />I said that on the drive there, I did a lot of praying. Well on the drive home, I did a lot of praising. This one incident has helped to restore my faith, and this became more evident to me, as I started to process what had just happened. It was at that time when I realized that God had been in control all along.<br /><br />Had I not gotten sick, I would never have found out how much my life needed to change. As I mentioned in the other blog post, I'm much healthier than I was a month ago. Also, had I not gotten sick <span style="font-weight:bold;">WHEN</span> I did, I would have had to try to fight this monster <span style="font-weight:bold;">AND</span> work at the same time. Fortunately I was able to devote all of my time and effort to getting healthier and dealing with this mess. If I would have never gotten sick, I would still be at work, and this situation might be ongoing...and I would have been extremely ill on top of that.<br /><br />So now that I am on the other side of these two issues (health and the other thing), I can see God's presence in my life. I can see that the timing of everything was perfect, and that things have worked in my life the very best possible way. Actually the two stories couldn't not have been resolved by a Hollywood screenwriter any better than they were in real life.<br /><br />I am extremely happy now. After missing five weeks of school/work, I can't wait to get back into the classroom on Monday! I have missed my coworkers, students, and I have missed my room. Teaching is my life blood, and I'm so glad to get back to it. However, this time my students better get ready for "Mr. K., 2.0", because I'm back and better than ever!<br /><br />But before I go back to work, I have something important to do on Sunday. A friend of mine at work told me about her church, and I'm going to check it out. God is doing some incredible things in my life, and He deserves the glory.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-87612793175065622642010-03-03T14:34:00.004-06:002010-03-05T14:33:32.003-06:00Bulletproof No MoreI'm stubborn, and I tend to learn my lessons the hard way. About a month ago, I went through an experience that allowed me to learn a lesson that will probably end up saving my life...and no, I'm not being overly dramatic. <br /><br />On January 31st my dad took me to the emergency room with kidney pain, nausea, and chills. I had never had a kidney stone before, but I was exhibiting all of the classic symptoms. <br /><br />The doctors saw me very quickly, and one of the first things that they did was to give me a shot of Zofran for the nausea and a magical drug called Dilaudid for the pain. From what I understand, Dilaudid doesn't take away the pain, it just makes it so you don't give a crap about it...and it worked.<br /><br />After a cat scan, it was confirmed that I had several kidney stones, and a SEVERE infection. Unfortunately kidney problems are a symptom of my disability, and these problems have hospitalized me on numerous occasions. <br /><br />The e.r. doctor decided to admit me, and my urologist was consulted. I went into the hospital on a Sunday night, and I was sure that I was going to be out by Wednesday. I had no idea (at that time) how serious things actually were.<br /><br />My time in the hospital had a couple of incidents that ended up shaking me to the very core. The first incident came on Monday when the hospital doctor, who was assigned to my case, came into the room with concerns about my bloodwork. He told me that they had conducted a test called an A1C Hemoglobin, and my result was a 7.2. Then he told me that any number above 6 means that you are diabetic. <br /><br />DIABETES! No, I didn't want to have that! All through my life, I have considered myself to be a healthy fat guy. I know that's kind of weird, but I've always taken pride in the fact that I had normal blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. Sure my stomach was much too big, but all of the important health indicators were good...or so I thought.<br /><br />So after the doctor gave me my diagnosis, he did emphasize that I was just a little bit diabetic. He said that my symptoms could be controlled, and even reversed, by eating better and getting more exercise. So even though I was still apprehensive about the diagnosis, I felt somewhat optimistic.<br /><br />After the doctor left, I started thinking about how at 38 my world had started to catch up with me. When you're young, you think that you are invincible. You take stupid risks, you eat horrible things, and you just generally make bad choices. I had done all that, and I foolishly never thought about the consequences. I should have known that it's impossible to outrun (or in my case outroll) an inevitability. Unfortunately for me, Monday's diabetes announcement was just a prelude to the shocking news that my family heard the next day.<br /><br />On Tuesday, I had a procedure so my doctor could actually assess the conditions of my kidneys. I wasn't knocked out completely during the procedure, but it was serious enough to make my family worry.<br /><br />My mom and brother were in the waiting room when the urologist came to speak to them after everything was over. He told them that the procedure was over, but that I was very, very sick. He had determined that my left kidney was no longer functioning at all. He then said that right one had been damaged, but it was still working well enough. I could survive with just one kidney--provided that kidney didn't get any worse.<br /><br />He then told my family that he didn't want to have to think about operating on me again. He said, "Kevin's much too heavy to be considered for a kidney transplant. He's not healthy enough. If he doesn't lose the weight, there's really nothing I can do if things get to that point."<br /><br />When I got back up to my room I could see the worry on my mom's face. In the last 48 hours she had learned that her oldest son was diabetic AND was too fat to get a kidney transplant. <br /><br />In my 38 years of life, my parents have spent countless hours at my hospital bedside caring for me and worrying about me. I truly couldn't ask for better parents. The thing that made this episode different is that my health issues were truly my own doing. I had caused myself to become diabetic, and I had made my kidney issues MUCH worse than they probably would have been...had I taken care of myself.<br /><br />Over the next 24 hours, I thought A LOT. I also was lectured by my parents and my brother and my sister. That whole experience was awful. I saw my usually stoic brother tell me, with tears in his eyes, about how he wants his two daughters to always have their Uncle Kevin around. I saw my mom and sister desperately try to reach out to me, and even though I told them that I would get healthier--I don't think they believed me.<br /><br />Finally, with tears in my own eyes, I was able to convey to them that I "got it." I understood the gravity of the situation, and I was fighting for my life now. I reminded them about a huge lesson that I had learned 12 years before. I recounted to my mom and sister how that episode from the past had changed me for the better, permanently. <br /><br />So during my stay in the hospital, I was able to talk the talk. Now that I have been out of the hospital for a few weeks, I'm proud to say that I'm also walking the walk. I'm down about 12 pounds so far, and I am far more motivated than I have ever been in the past. I'm eating healthier, and I am making better choices in all aspects of my life.<br /><br />I've tried the weight loss thing many times before. This time is different, though. It's not just about vanity or some other petty reason. It's about life and death.<br /><br />I hated getting so sick and not being able to teach for the last month, but I am glad that it all happened. It got me evaluate my life, and it helped me realize just how loved I truly was. <br /><br />I have made so many leaps forward in the past month, and I am truly not the same person I was when I was admitted to the hospital on January 31st. I have been transformed, and the process will be ongoing until I become the person that I know I can be.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-18946199746788286682009-08-03T21:43:00.002-05:002009-08-03T22:15:21.081-05:00A Sobering Start...I know that it has been quite awhile since I last updated my blog. I'd like to have some great excuse; like I was on a month-long trip of Europe. But, I wasn't, and I don't have an excuse. I have just had a huge case of writer's block. But, I knew that the right topic would "find" me, and it would thrust me back into the blogworld. <br /><br />NOTE: This is yet another serious topic. I'm actually a really fun person. I love to laugh, and I appreciate all kinds of humor--especially crude, juvenile humor. That's why "The Hangover" was my favorite movie that I have seen in a very long time...but I digress. This is a serious topic, but it won't set the tone of future blog entries.<br /><br />Today was our first day back at school. This summer has flown by, and I can't believe that we are back. We are back a little bit earlier than usual, because the bigwigs have decided to get a lot of our Professional Development activities out-of-the-way, at the beginning of the school year. I actually like this idea, because it will keep us from having SO MANY 1/2 days, like we have had in the past.<br /><br />We started out our morning, hearing a talk from <a href="http://www.docspeaks.com/">Dr. Adolph Brown, III</a>. He spoke to us last year, and he was very well-received then. So he was invited back. What he spoke to us about today relates well to the point of my entry, but I'll reference it, in just a bit.<br /><br />When we got back to the school, we had an all-staff meeting. We talked about a lot of topics, but one of them blindsided me. Joe, our principal informed us that THREE students had passed away during this short summer. He told us, because he wanted us to be aware that many students would just be finding out about these deaths on the first day of school. <br /><br />He read the first two names, and I, fortunately, did not recognize either one of these students. I'm not belittling their deaths, I'm just happy that I didn't have a personal connection. However, when he read the third name, I was stunned. The girl that he had mentioned was one of my summer school students, and I had just seen her...less than two weeks ago.<br /><br />Summer school is a different kind of environment than the traditional school year. Each class is a 2 1/2 hour block, and the class sizes tend to be a little smaller. So I really got to know my summer school students really well. So that's what made this student's death so difficult. <br /><br />I don't know why this student passed away, but through some internet research, I am led to believe that she took her own life. I went to her myspace page, and I saw comments from her friends that said things like 'I wish you would have realized how much we all loved you." These kinds of comments sadden me greatly.<br /><br />Dr. Brown, today's guest speaker, talked about building relationships with students. This is my 14th year of teaching, and I have heard this kind of information MANY TIMES before. In fact, I have always prided myself on letting my students know that I do care about them. I treat ALL of my students with kindness and compassion. But I can always do more.<br /><br />I never knew that this student was hurting. I wish I would have given her an outlet (a writing assingment, etc.) for her to express her pain. Unfortunately, I was teaching Personal Finance, and I didn't really focus on self-expression. But, her death has made me realize that I MUST find a way to let them express their emotions in EVERY class that I teach.<br /><br />So her death has allowed me to take a step back and realize that I must focus on building relationships with my students this year...and from this point forward. I'm proud of what I have accomplished so far, but I'm going to incorporate more activities that will allow students to let me know what is going on their heads. If a student is hurting, I want them to feel comfortable enough with me, so they can let me in their world.<br /><br />I have lots of goals for the upcoming school year, but this is my number-one goal. It really should be the most important goal for every teacher. Our students deserve that from us.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-79957630516620367592009-05-27T20:34:00.004-05:002009-05-27T21:06:53.265-05:00My Students Are Great!I'm always a little hesitant whenever I write a blog entry about something that could be misconstrued as bragging. This could be like that, but it is not my intention. I was just reminded today of how lucky I am, and I am so thankful.<br /><br />Several teachers at my school have had to give state-mandated tests over the last couple of days. Fortunately for me, I have not had to give these tests in my classes, but the whole process did impact my classroom. <br /><br />These tests have to be administered online, and guess who has a ton of computer labs...my department! So myself, and the other business teachers, have had to be flexible and accommodate the influx of teachers that needed to use our rooms. The whole process hasn't been that bad though, and the scheduling has seemed to work out relatively seamlessly.<br /><br />I share an adjoining door with another business teacher, and I can frequently hear her teach and vice versa. But it is never a disruption or a problem. Unfortunately this afternoon, I had another teacher in that classroom, and I heard him/her yelling and screaming at his/her students repeatedly. (NOTE: I have some coworkers that read this blog, so I am being gender-neutral in my description of this teacher.)<br /><br />I guess it surprised me, because I am not a yeller or screamer. My students all behave VERY well, and I get it done without raising my voice or losing my composure. Have I yelled at students in the past? Of course. Have I done it often...or even lately? No. It's not effective, and it doesn't work for me. I get more from my students by treating them with respect and having high expectations of them.<br /><br />Admittedly the teacher in the other classroom was under a lot of stress. These poor teachers were given very little time to administer these tests, and of course they were completely dependent on technology. Unfortunately, several of the computers did have some technical problems, but that's what happens when (the district) provides such a narrow window for testing. <br /><br />When this teacher continued to yell and scream at his/her students, the first thing I did was tell my students how great I thought they were. I thanked them for being such a good class and for letting me keep my sanity. It was at that time when one of my students told me that he had this particular teacher in class, and he/she was like this every day.<br /><br />That made me sad...for the teacher AND the students. Teaching is a rough job, and I have had classes that have pushed me to the limit. For example my 5th hour class that I had in the fall semester of 2005 could be the fodder for a lot of therapy. But these classes are very few and far between. I just can't imagine what it would be like to ALWAYS be on edge with your students. That made me realize how lucky I was to have the rapport that I have with my students. I love my job. It's a simple as that.<br /><br />It also made me sad for the students. I have been that good kid in the bad class before. I had a particular teacher in high school who would explode in anger from time-to-time. I was always on edge, and I could never relax, because I was always waiting for the explosion. When i became a teacher, I vowed to NEVER make my kids nervous. I wanted my classroom to be a safe and calm place. Thankfully, I think I have been successful with this goal.<br /><br />After 13 years of teaching, it can become easy to lose sight of things. I have taken for granted the fact that my students are so well-behaved. Unfortunately, it took seeing a teacher on the brink of "losing it" to realize how good I have it. I am so thankful and blessed.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-90457943192192331502009-05-15T10:40:00.004-05:002009-05-16T00:09:43.205-05:00"Kevin the Advocate"A couple of days ago a student, John, came into my classroom to talk to me about something. While I have never personally had John in class, I have gotten to know him quite well, and he is a very impressive person. <br /><br />John is in a wheelchair, and he has a mild form of cerebral palsy. He is a senior, so he only has a few days left of school. He plans on going to college to major in political science and eventually go on to law school. So I'm very excited that he is going to get out into the world and show it that people with disabilities can be successful contributors to society. This, obviously, is one thing that I strive to do every day. <br /><br />I'll get to the reason why John came into my classroom in a bit, but I want to mention how I first got to know him. Last year the teacher across the hall from me told me about how one of his students was having trouble with an accessibility issue at school. At that time, I had never spoken to John, but I went to him to find out if I could help him with his problem.<br /><br />Apparently one of the curb cuts in the front of the school was at a grade that was too steep and the pavement also contained a huge lip in it. So essentially John would go down the curb cut everyday and hit the lip...and sometimes he would fall out of his chair.<br /><br />He had gone to the principal, that is in charge of building and grounds, with his situation, and unfortunately he had not had any success. The principal tried to help, but he really didn't fully understand the problem, and John was having a hard time lighting a fire under him, as well.<br /><br />So I became his advocate, and his situation was remedied once I mentioned getting the school board involved. It's amazing how those two little words can get things moving in my district!<br /><br />So John came to me the other day because of his concerns about an incoming freshman student. This new student has Spina Bifida, just like I do, and he is apparently VERY apprehensive about making the transition to high school. John asked me if I could help out this incoming student, just like I had helped him. I told him that I would do whatever it took to make this kid comfortable. I was terrified of starting high school, and I wish I would have had someone around to let me know that everything was going to be alright.<br /><br />Helping John out, and now helping this incoming freshman, gives me such personal satisfaction, and I have been trying to think of other ways that I could spread my message around.<br /><br />In a perfect world, I would LOVE to be a motivational speaker. I have TONS of great stories, and I know that I could get the audience laughing. Since I am not married, I really would have no problem flying from city-to-city and doing keynote speeches, etc. Of course, I would have to give up teaching...or maybe take a one-year sabbatical, but it is something that I have really been thinking about for my future.<br /><br />In the here and now, I have been corresponding with a woman that has an infant daughter with Spina Bifida. I have really enjoyed answering her questions and concerns and being a resource for her. I really want to do more of this kind of thing, with lots and lots of people.<br /><br />So I have a fire in my now. I know that I want to help as many people as possible in this world. I just first need to get more people to read this blog. I want to reach more people, and I want to share my stories. <br /><br />Helping people is why I got into teaching. It is the key component of my personality. I can't wait to see where this personality trait will take me in life. It's been a fun ride so far.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-2173682239823576302009-05-03T14:23:00.003-05:002009-05-03T14:24:10.933-05:00Update TimeThis entry will be short and sweet, and if you don't understand it, just look at the end of my entry about the marathon.<br /><br />15 SECONDS!!!Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-60632964854791237452009-04-22T21:57:00.010-05:002009-04-23T11:59:49.883-05:00My InspirationI have been told by many people over the years that I am a source of inspiration for them. I'm very thankful that my attitude and perseverance has helped people, but I have to share something that has really changed my perspective and way of thinking.<br /><br />This past Sunday I was at the finish line, in a cold driving rain, to see my sister and her husband complete a 1/2 marathon and my brother complete the full marathon. I am truly impressed by the dedication and committment they have shown to reach this goal.<br /><br />I know that their accomplishments took untold hours of training and preparation. They were very focused on the achievement of this goal, and they set their sights on finishing the race. The thing that makes it even more impressive is that they all live full & busy lives, and they didn't let their training affect any other parts of their lives in a negative way.<br /><br />For example, my sister kept up her training schedule, worked, and took classes toward her Master's degree. My brother trained for his marathon, worked, and he also did his fatherly duties as a dad to two girls, who are both under six. His wife helped him out so he could train as much as he needed, but he still had to fit in his training around the girls...because family comes first.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBSmmjxlwkSKz510-HDPRYMbELayjOd2xdwY2N4z3Ehrl2fAXaZuBKw0DzaAVYvAje2oNiGxjkkFmzaE8J_En4a4096THiPidiVLbiWzB7S2CDdsuZ49k39gVmz8f_qfW1K-L8LljHfYqH/s1600-h/nickdaveerin.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5327718461312507090" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 225px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBSmmjxlwkSKz510-HDPRYMbELayjOd2xdwY2N4z3Ehrl2fAXaZuBKw0DzaAVYvAje2oNiGxjkkFmzaE8J_En4a4096THiPidiVLbiWzB7S2CDdsuZ49k39gVmz8f_qfW1K-L8LljHfYqH/s400/nickdaveerin.jpg" border="0" /></a> <center><br />From L to R--Nick (brother-in-law), Dave (brother), and Erin (sister).</center><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_aTXc0K7ipX9L3ZWp33JRZ8KTdy6Ww5CI4L3OPHUY7E_XrzUfgFhTKe5IcIU2tb9WFcUAbIn_FmIsYLwuo25whKXbN1qK2EJ6LbHjCjUAQjN5rN8lvvby_ktVK4CmbHYHJY_gNKnpKTXx/s1600-h/n1071429827_30402325_2126879.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5327723011506131874" style="WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 265px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_aTXc0K7ipX9L3ZWp33JRZ8KTdy6Ww5CI4L3OPHUY7E_XrzUfgFhTKe5IcIU2tb9WFcUAbIn_FmIsYLwuo25whKXbN1qK2EJ6LbHjCjUAQjN5rN8lvvby_ktVK4CmbHYHJY_gNKnpKTXx/s400/n1071429827_30402325_2126879.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br>An action shot of Nick and Erin<br><br /><br />So how did this affect me? I realized something about myself. I have accomplished a lot in my life, but I tend to "react" to my environment, and I am generally not a goal-setter. Most of my accomplishments stem from a challenge that I was faced with, and I wanted to overcome. If you put a brick wall in my way, I will fight like a dog to either get over it, around it, under it, or smash right through it.<br /><br />But I give up much too easily with my goals. I tend to make lofty goals, and then say "screw it" when I experience a setback. That's not the fighting spirit that I want to show the world! I'm not sure why this happens, but I have recognized it now.<br /><br />My brother and I were talking about it, and he gave me some excellent advice. He told me that if his initial goal in running, was to complete a marathon he would never have done it. It's just too daunting. He reminded me of a time when a mutual friend of our's invited him to Tulsa to run in a 15K. At that time my brother turned him down, because he knew that he could not run 9 miles. Now, several years later, he has run 26, and although he looked tired at the finish line on Sunday, he still finished strong.<br /><br />So I am reassessing my goals, and I'm working on making them more manageable. For example, I have been thinking a lot about my crutches lately. I haven't even really used them since 1996. So my goal is to start using them more. Instead of trying to focus on getting back to the stamina that I once had, I'm going to focus on being able to stand on my crutches for 15 seconds, then 30, and so on. These goals are achievable, and whenever I get frustrated, I won't say "screw it." <br /><br />I'm also going to remember something else I heard from my brother. He talked to me, about how he had to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. There were times during his race when he had to take a break and walk. But he didn't stop moving or give up. He walked for a bit, got his energy back, and continued on his path toward his goal.<br /><br />So my three family members have provided me with a huge gift. They have shown me what is possible when you set achievable goals, and you just keep striving to reach them. Tonight I stood on my crutches for a whopping 8 seconds...but hey that's over halfway to my first goal! :)Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-17282554790200983432009-04-17T21:07:00.004-05:002009-04-17T21:42:23.199-05:00My Night of InsomniaI had a lot of time to think while I was waiting. I looked around the sterile, cold walls of my surroundings, and I was numb and emotionally spent. The news of the previous day, coupled with all of the other crap, was more than I could deal with. I had been here too many times before--or rather, I had been to places like this before. I was weary of it all, and I just wondered when it was going to be someone else's turn. I was tired of being the guy that was always in the hospital. <br /> <br /> Normally, I loved Christmas, but here it was just a few days before Christmas of 1990, and I was angry, frustrated, and very depressed. I had been through so much in the four years prior to that moment, and I could feel the my psyche was teetering dangerously close to the edge. <br /> <br /> I had been from doctor to doctor, all the while hoping to find someone who would be able to fix my problem. The standard operating procedure for my life from 1986 to that very point, followed this pattern: I would go to a specialist, and he would tell me that he “thought” that he could help me, and he would “try” his best to fix it. Then, I would have a painful surgery, which was ALWAYS followed by a painful and long recovery. After a couple of months I would come to the disheartening realization that this operation hadn't worked, and then I would either have another surgery with that same doctor, or I would start the process again with another doctor. At this moment in my life, I was on my 5th doctor.<br /> <br /> My newest doctor was an arrogant and cocky jerk. In fact, I couldn't stand him. But, he had assured me with his unmitigated smugness that he was going to be able to fix me. He didn't use words like “try” and he didn't tell me that he “thought” he could help me. I appreciated his confidence, but I wasn't convinced. I had trusted doctors before, and it had only led to more pain, both physical and emotional.<br /> <br /> So why was I in the hospital in the first place? It all started with one of my favorite activities in the world—swimming. One summer day in 1986, I went swimming at my grandparent's pool at the Lake of the Ozarks. I had spent countless hours of my youth in that pool without incident. But, one seemingly insignificant occurrence was to forever change the course of my life.<br /> <br /> I am a “monoplegic,” and that means that one of my limbs is paralyzed. So my right leg is essentially useless to me, but I have perfect control of my left leg. But the great thing about the water is that I don't need crutches or a wheelchair, because the water keeps me buoyant. <br /> <br /> That's why my love of water is almost spiritual in a sense. It allows me to be just like everyone else for that brief moment that I am in that aquatic dreamworld. But as soon as I get out of the pool, I'm back to reality. <br /> <br /> So that day, I was swimming in their pool, and I ended up dragging the top of my left foot on the bottom of the pool. I'm not sure why I did that, because I usually walk with a normal gait when I am in the pool. But I happened to drag my foot this time. The bottom of the pool happened to be a little rough, so it gave the top of my foot a mild abrasion. My left foot is actually my “good” foot, so I did feel it when it happened, but it didn't hurt. As I said, it was merely a little scrape.<br /> <br /> The next day I made a horrible decision, and with hindsight being 20/20, I can only imagine what my life would have been like had I not made this error in judgment. My family and I went swimming again, but this time we went swimming in the actual lake, itself. We put a band-aid on my scrape, and we enjoyed our afternoon in the water.<br /> <br /> About a week later I noticed that my foot was starting to hurt, and that my scrape was not healing. In fact, it looked like it was getting worse. Then soon after that, I noticed that I was developing the signs of infection.<br /> <br /> I'm going to gloss over and consolidate the next part, because it is quite detailed and graphic. But, this tiny little scrape grew into a RAGING infection in my foot, and I had a very serious nonhealing wound. So, I went to see my first doctor.<br /> <br /> This just started the chain of events that I referenced earlier. I went from specialist to specialist, and I endured some very severe surgeries. I am so thankful for my parents, because most of the post-surgical care that I had to do could only be done with the help of my mom and dad. With my limited mobility, they were able to do things to my foot that I could not do, and I'm so thankful that they were there.<br /> <br /> It was at that time when I transitioned from being ambulatory and on my crutches, to being in the wheelchair. It just hurt too much to walk on my foot. Besides, the doctors wanted me to keep weight off the foot, if possible. I would still use the crutches from time-to-time, but the switchover had essentially begun.<br /> <br /> So back to me waiting in the hospital room. I had been waiting for some important news from the doctor. His plan to “fix” my foot included doing some intensive vascular surgery on my foot. He had me come into the hospital a day early so I could have a medical test done to assess the circulation and blood flow in my foot and lower leg. So the results of this test were very important to me and the success of the surgery.<br /> <br /> When the doctor finally entered my hospital room, I could tell that something was amiss. He didn't have his usual swagger. In fact, he was very close to showing actual human compassion. He said the words that I still remember, 18 ½ years later. “Kevin, the results of the test aren't good. Your blood flow is not what we were hoping for. I'm going to do my best to avoid this, but I wanted to let you know that there is a possibility that I'll have to amputate your leg, below-the-knee during the surgery.”<br /> <br /> I felt that I had been kicked in the chest by a team of mules. I didn't know what to say. I mean, this was my GOOD FOOT and GOOD LEG. I did everything with this leg, and my independence was clearly dependent on it.<br /> <br /> My parents also had a stunned look on their faces, and the doctor assured us that he didn't think he would have to amputate. He was going to do everything in his power to keep that from happening, but he wanted us to know that there was a chance. He then left the room and went home.<br /> <br /> We sat in stunned silence for awhile. Collectively, my parents and I had been through so much during those last four years, and we didn't quite know what to say. My parents said that they were sure that everything was going to be alright, and I really do think that they believed that...but I didn't.<br /> <br /> They stayed until visiting hours were over, and then they said their goodbyes. Thus began, the worst night of sleep that I have ever had. I started thinking about how my life was going to be so different, if I didn't have my left leg. I used my left leg for driving, and really everything as far as my mobility was concerned. I tried to think about how I was going to transfer in and out of my chair without using my legs..and only my arms. Try it yourself, it's close to impossible.<br /> <br /> Besides that stressor, I was still reeling from some news that I had heard the day before. I was extremely involved in my high school youth group, and the people in the group were some of my best friends. I got a call from one of my friends in the group, and he asked if he could come visit me in my hospital room. I told him that I had a medical test scheduled for later on in the day, but he was welcome to come before it.<br /> <br /> I was extremely surprised when EVERYONE from my youth group came streaming into my room....everyone, save for one. My friends went on to tell me that my friend Beth had died in a house fire that morning. Her parents and brother had made it out alive, but she couldn't get out of her room. I didn't know what to say, but I cried and shared the moment with all of my special friends that were there. <br /> <br /> After they left, I had a strange realization. Everyone that I loved was in my home, while I was stuck in this hospital room. I felt utterly helpless. I started to think about how something awful could happen to my family, and I was going to be left alone. The mind plays tricks on you when you have too much time to think.<br /> <br /> So that night before the surgery, my head was full of worry. I was worried about myself. I was worried about my family's safety. I was worried about Beth's family. You name it...I thought about it that night. I think I drifted off to sleep at about 4:30 that morning.<br /> <br /> I was woken up early, because my surgery had been scheduled for early in the morning. I remember kissing and hugging my parents goodbye and being whisked to the operating room. <br /> <br /> I was still very nervous, but fortunately the anesthesia did its trick, and I was able to start to relax. I drifted off to sleep, and then I awoke to choking. I had a very hard time waking up from the anesthesia and my oxygen level got a little low, so they kept me in recovery for a long time.<br /> <br /> Once the cobwebs in my head started to clear out, I realized that I needed to find out about my leg. I had a sheet covering my lower half and through the sheet I saw the outline of TWO legs. I lifted up the sheet and saw a glorious sight...my leg. The foot and ankle were heavily bandaged, but it was there! And I was thrilled.<br /> <br /> When I got back to my room, my parents were happy but they looked like they had something serious to tell me. They proceeded to tell me that the infection was too bad in parts of my foot, and the doctor had to amputate three of my toes. I was a little bit shocked, but only for about five minutes. I could live with the fact that I could no longer count to 20 on my fingers and toes. I had two legs...that's all that mattered.<br /> <br /> I went through another long and arduous recovery, but I had a different result this time. This surgery actually worked!! I had finally found a doctor, cocky arrogant asshole that he was, that was able to help me.<br /> <br /> It's now 18 years after the surgery, and I can honestly say that it feels like it all happened yesterday. I have had a few MINOR issues with my foot since then, but everything has been great.<br /> <br /> I'm still a little self-conscious about my foot, and there are only a few select people in my life who have seen it. But, I can live with a deformed foot. I take care of it, and I will NEVER go swimming with bare feet again. I always wear a swim shoe or boot.<br /> <br /> This was honestly one of the worst times in my life. But all of the pain and tears were worth it. This one incident has served as a reminder to me to always keep searching. If I would have been content to live with an infected foot, I would have never searched for a fifth doctor. So, that's what drives me. It's this moment in my life that I call upon to keep going.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-19498693040082043142009-04-15T14:12:00.001-05:002009-04-15T14:14:01.218-05:00A Break-up StoryYou lean silently in the darkened corner,<br />steadfast, but still so very alone.<br />Quick staccato-like glances are all I can muster.<br />The guilt keeps me from giving you the respect you deserve;<br />the respect you have earned.<br /><br />Like an aging Hollywood starlet,<br />time has made you faded, weathered, and worn.<br />Your best days are behind you,<br />but you still ache for one more chance.<br />Why won't I give it to you?!?!<br /><br />I have abandoned you;<br />discarding you like some trinket of my youth.<br />But you're more than a Star Wars figure or Etch-a-Sketch.<br />You ARE my past;<br />and I long for you to be my future.<br /><br />You were there for the milestones;<br />like every holiday and special moment.<br />But I miss the mundane days;<br />like Mondays and Thursdays<br />more than you'll ever know.<br /><br />You're in every old snapshot;<br />never as a featured player,<br />only as support....your favorite role.<br />Who knew a lazy summer day,<br />would start to tear us apart?<br /><br />Eventually someone else entered my life;<br />you know how those things go.<br />But I would still use you,<br />when the other was too broken or deflated,<br />to be of use to me.<br /><br />Now I see that your replacement has lied to me,<br />and made me too dependent.<br />I need you back in my life;<br />if I am to grow and thrive;<br />and be greater than what I am now.<br /><br />I wish it could happen now,<br />but I lack the strength.<br />But I promise that someday soon,<br />you'll be in my life again..<br />My support...my strength...my crutches<br /><br />================================================================================<br /><br />When I was younger I used to use my crutches all of the time. Now, I have become too dependent on the wheelchair, and I need to get healthy enough to use the crutches again. That's why I wrote the poem.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-40785905364784341242009-04-11T18:08:00.003-05:002009-04-11T18:22:41.477-05:00An Open Letter to all Prospective TeachersCongratulations! You have chosen a very rewarding profession, and I'm sure that you will enter your first teaching job with vigor and enthusiasm. I trust that your schooling has prepared you well, with regard to lesson planning, differentiated instruction, and all of the other buzzwords of today. But, I wanted to share some items with you that you have not been taught in school. I hope that these tips will be helpful to you during your career.<br /><br /><em><strong>"The bad kid is never sick."</strong></em> As a teacher you will encounter some students that live to cause problems for you. It's a fact of life. Unfortunately most of these students will NEVER be absent. It's as though they possess some superhuman germ-fighting capabilities. I won't admit to it, but you might find yourself switching the seating chart and putting your snotty, sneezy, finger-up-the-nose student next to this "picture of health" in hopes that your snot-factory will inflict some collateral damage. Desperate times call for desperate measures.<br /><br /><em><strong>"You will gain all kinds of knowledge."</strong></em> Through my years of teaching, I have learned things that I never thought I would ever learn. For example, in my circle of friends, I am the one that knows all of the latest slang terms. Many years ago, I was the first person in my group to hear the term "bling-bling," so I shared that information with my friends. Apparently they were a little too excited and used their newfound phrase A LOT. Unfortunately, their wives didn't see the humor in it.<br /><br /><em><strong>"Some of that knowledge will never leave, ever."</strong></em> I taught middle school for the first ten years of my teaching career, and through osmosis, I have acquired knowledge...scary knowledge. I hate to admit this in a public forum, but I used to know the first and last names of every member of the Backstreet Boys and 'Nsync. Ok, here's a confession. I STILL know this stupid information. I have tried for years to get rid of this knowledge, by shoving new facts and figures in my head--all the while hoping that this useless information will somehow fall to the wayside. NOPE, it's with my for life.<br /><br /><em><strong>"Pick your battles."</strong></em> This tip can be used for SO MANY facets of teaching, but I'll give you one specific example. DO NOT try to teach something worthwhile on the day before an extended break. Now, I'm not saying that you should give your students a free day, but I'm just saying that there are limitations to what you can accomplish on that day. If, however, you are brave and full of moxie, and you decide to teach an important lesson on that day, you have been warned. You'll find the experience to be about as much fun as trying to give a cat a pill...and you'll be about as successful. <br /><br /><em><strong>"You will develop super-sonic selective hearing."</strong></em> If my students are working on a project or assignment, I typically don't mind if they talk quietly to the people around them. I have found that I can tune out MOST of what they are saying, but if someone in my class says one of the "magic" words, my ears will instantly perk up and notice it. It's uncanny.<br /><br /><em><strong>"The students are also armed with this hearing."</strong></em> You can tell the students 27 times about a test on Friday, and invariably several students will come in the class on Friday and claim that they knew nothing about the test. But, you can face an empty corner and whisper a sentence fragment about a pizza party, and then have a kid say two weeks later, "Mr. K. didn't you say something about a pizza party?"<br /><br /><em><strong>"Be prepared for emergencies."</strong></em> You might have the greatest lesson plan in the world all ready to go...I mean this sucker is so good that it should be enshrined in the "hall." Then you show up at school and find out that your computers are down, copies didn't get finished in time, etc. As a teacher, you need to have a contingency plan. I have found that it is helpful to keep a portable puppet show somewhere in your classroom. I'm kiddng, or am I?<br /><br /><em><strong>"You will learn the skills necessary to become a bouncer."</strong></em> Most people that work in the corporate world never have to worry about a fistfight breaking out in the middle of the office, but as a teacher this is an inevitability. At some point in your teaching career, you will have to break up a fight. Now I don't recommend getting involved, because your main job will be crowd control. However, if you feel comfortable breaking up the fight, find what works for you and do it. For me personally, I have found that if I accidentally-on purpose roll over the feet of the people involved in the fight, they will stop right away. That's one advantage of a wheelchair, I guess. :)<br /><br /><em><strong>"Students will forget things over a three-day weekend."</strong></em> My students all have individual passwords to access the computers. The strangest thing is that they will be able to remember their passwords from a Friday to the following Monday, but the extra 24 hours of a three-day weekend will erase their brain. That's why I keep a copy of every one of their passwords, because a huge portion of them will forget. And don't even get me started about what happens after we get back from Spring Break. :)<br /><br /><em><strong>"Don't let them distract you."</strong></em> If you are sitting at your desk and student comes over and stands DIRECTLY in front of your desk, it is probably innocent. However, if they start up a pointless conversation, this is huge red flag. Immediately look beyond this student, but be prepared for what you might see. Once you get past this "human shield" you will probably see something that will violate a school rule. So while, you are disciplining that student, just put a positive spin on it. At least they were working together on something.<br /><br /><em><strong>"You want your students to apply your knowledge outside of the classroom...most of the time."</strong></em> At the middle school that I was at, the students would have a 3-on-3 basketball tournament. The championship game was always a big deal, and the students had to purchase tickets beforehand to attend the game. One year, it was discovered that a couple of students had bought up all of the remaining tickets for the game, and they were selling them to their fellow students at a profit. Yep, those were my students, and yep we had just studied "profit" in my business class. So I was both disappointed and proud at the same time, and that is a hard thing to do. <br /><br />I have spent a lot of time giving out lighthearted tips, but I do have some serious things that I do want to say. There are quite a few things that I could share, but I will limit my tips to three very important ones.<br /><br /><em><strong>"Be a role model."</strong></em> Many of your students are surrounded by negative people and situations. The hour that they spend in your classroom might be the most positive hour of their day. It is your responsibility to make sure that you have a strong character, and that they can look up to you. You need to show them that there are good people in the world, and that you do care about them and their success.<br /><br /><em><strong>"Realize that there is a reason for strange behavior."</strong></em> If a kid NEVER falls asleep in your classroom, but they suddenly did today, don't react with anger. Find out why they were sleeping. Chances are they have something really stressful going at home. By recognizing their behavior as being out-of-character, you might be able to help them with whatever they have going on.<br /><br /><em><strong>"If you don't love it...GET OUT."</strong></em> Let's face it, teaching is not for everyone. Unfortunately many people go through four years of college and student teaching before they realize that teaching is not what they should do in life. Even worse though, are the people that hate being a teacher, and they choose to stay in the profession. If it is not something you love to do, do everyone a favor, and find another line of work.<br /><br />Teaching is a wonderful job, but in order to be successful at it, it needs to more than a job. It must be a passion. Don't ever forget that.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-13151787289083523832009-04-09T08:39:00.001-05:002009-04-14T14:28:17.932-05:00Ed Turner (1933-2009)To Jeannie he was scrambled eggs and toast;<br />just Table 25.<br />To Patrick he was his first soccer coach,<br />when he was only five.<br /><br />To Kathy he was mean Mr. Turner;<br />the neighbor from her youth.<br />To Steven he was a superhero;<br />defender of the truth.<br /><br />To Beth he was known as her sternest boss;<br />always with a sour face.<br />To Rob he was the Sunday School teacher;<br />who told him of God's grace.<br /><br />To Barb he was her guardian angel,<br />the day he saved her son.<br />To Mike he was simply his best friend's dad;<br />known as the dad who's fun.<br /><br />To Nurse Linda he was just a patient;<br />after his heart attack.<br />To Johnny he was the army buddy,<br />who always had his back.<br /><br />But to Evelyn he was so much more;<br />husband, lover...best friend.<br />To John & Lauren he was always Dad,<br />up to that painful end.<br /><br />We can never be completely certain<br />of what we leave behind.<br />But words and deeds serve as our legacy;<br />and always are entwined.<br /><br />We all can impact so many people,<br />in this fleeting, fast life.<br />What side of you will you will you show to others;<br />kindness, respect, or strife?<br /><br /><br />--I don't usually look at obituaries, but I was inspired by the notion that people are so much more than just a 1-paragraph entry in the local paper. So I created a character, and I gave him a life.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-74493936155263660152009-04-09T08:37:00.000-05:002009-04-09T08:39:50.815-05:00Things I've Learned1. If you are waiting for someone to come along and make you complete, you'll always be incomplete...and you'll always be waiting.<br /><br />2. Pick your battles. One casualty is too many, if the fight is not worth fighting.<br /><br />3. Your words are not attached to a yo-yo. Once they're out there, you can't flick your wrist and draw them back in.<br /><br />4. Trust your intuition. It's there for a reason.<br /><br />5. Understand that the degree of importance and excitement you place on something will NEVER be able to be matched by those around you. Don't take this as a sign that they do not care...they do.<br /><br />6. If you make a mistake, admit to it. That's why the sentence for perjury is often worse than the sentence for the original crime.<br /><br />7. If you want a different result, you need to change the equation. Two plus two will ALWAYS equal four.<br /><br />8. Enjoy the here and now. Living for the future is not really living at all.<br /><br />9. You come equipped with a giant bag of tools for the obstacles in life. Sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper in the bag to find the right tool.<br /><br />10. Become the most important person in MORE than one person's life.<br /><br />11. A true friend will be there to love and support you, but they won't think twice about pointing out when you have been a jerk.<br /><br />12. Some things will NEVER make sense. Accept that fact and go on.<br /><br />13. Wishing for what you don't have will only make you forget about what you ALREADY have.<br /><br />14. Spiderman and Superman do not exist, but there are everday superheroes all around. You just have to look.<br /><br />15. It's often easy to forgive, but sometimes it's impossible to forget.<br /><br />16. You have no control over the beginning and end of your story, but you are the sole author of the middle.<br /><br />17. Remember that one time when you laughed so hard that milk came out of your nose? Call upon that in the dark moments of life.<br /><br />18. You are not like everyone else. That's a good thing.<br /><br />19. No matter how hard you try and hope and pray...you cannot change your past.<br /><br />20. Never make excuses or be embarrassed for who you truly are.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-44243087159385819392009-04-07T21:54:00.003-05:002009-04-09T08:37:24.173-05:00When Words are Not EnoughThere are things in our lives that we just accept as facts. Most of these things are items that we don't even given a second thought to, and they just become part of our "story." Friday night I had my eyes opened, and I was able to view a part of my life's story in a different way. Consequently, I am filled with more love and respect for my parents than I have EVER felt in my whole life.<br /><br />A little over a week ago, my parents received a call from my childhood pediatrician. He is 82 now, and he retired from practicing medicine many years ago. He told my parents that he still had my old medical records, and he wanted my parents to have the file. He also wanted to find out how "Kevie" was doing. It's funny, I'm 37 now, but I'll always be Kevie to him.<br /><br />My parents went over to his house last week and picked up my records. They had a wonderful talk with Dr. T., and they were able to fill him in on my life and the lives of my siblings. He did so much for my family, and I know that my parents enjoyed being able to see him again, after so many years.<br /><br />My parents are currently out-of-town, so I have been staying at their house, dogsitting and housesitting. This past Friday night I sat at their kitchen table to look at my medicial file. Seated at my feet were Rudy and Scout, my two favorite dogs.<br /><br />As you can probably imagine, my file was very thick, but I was interested in the whole thing. I tried to read about all of my visits to his office for the usual childhood ailments, or numerous kidney problems, but I was unable to make out his handwritten notes, due to his "unique" penmanship.<br /><br />Fortunately, I was able to read all of the typed medical reports, letters, and correspondence between the different doctors that I saw as a child. These documents were so interesting to me, because I learned more about my disability, but more importantly I FINALLY realized just how special my parents were, and still are.<br /><br />As I have mentioned in my blog posting about my sister Karrie, I had a sister with a much worse form of Spina Bifida. She was born in September of 1970, and I was born in December of 1971. I have always "known" that, but after taking a "peek" into their day-to-day lives in those medical reports, I now realize just how difficult and trying those times were for my parents.<br /><br />I read, with tears welling up in my eyes, about all of the physical therapy that my mom had to perform on each one of us. I read about all of the things that my dad had to do with us as well, and I was just overcome with emotion. Now, I completely understand why my parents have always said that the early 70's were a complete blur to them.<br /><br />I am not a parent, and I can't pretend to understand how difficult it is to raise a child. But most people only have to care for one healthy baby at a time. My parents had to raise TWO disabled children that were only a year apart.<br /><br />One of the things that really spoke to me when I read my file was how much "work" went into my care...and I was the "healthy" one out of the two of us! My sister's disability was so much worse than mine, and I can't even imagine all of the time and effort that went into her care.<br /><br />I could go on and on, but I need to get to the title of my blog posting. As I was reading my file, I realized that I needed to do something to honor my parents and show them how much I appreciated, loved, honored, and respected them. I'm going to show them this blog entry, but that's not enough. I have to do SOMETHING, because right now my words are not enough to express how I feel.<br /><br />I'm not sure what I'll do, but whatever it will be, it will pale in comparison to all that they have done for me. But I wrote this blog tonight to give my feelings a public forum. I'm proud to say that my parents have been married for 41 years now, and I believe that they will be together for life.<br /><br />They've had their ups and downs, but who hasn't? But their marriage has survived the death of a child and numerous other tragedies. I don't know if I'll ever get marrried, but if I do, I have a wonderful pair of role models to look at, in my parents.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1068752216375256546.post-71306889930364573512009-04-01T21:15:00.007-05:002009-04-02T10:38:49.626-05:00Can it Be?I see something,<br />far off in the distance.<br />It appears as only a shimmer and a twinkle;<br />a pulsating display of light.<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I trudge onward,<br />and with each step,<br />I feel my pulse elevate and my pace quicken.<br />This feels strangely familiar.<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I am boundless in my energy,<br />as I encounter a stream that must be forded.<br />I cross it, for I know what awaits me<br />will be worth any Herculean effort.<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I don't even notice the obstacles that block my path;<br />my resolve is unwavering.<br />I suddenly stumble, but I do not quit.<br />Just then, I see IT...what I've come here for.<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I approach with caution,<br />and it is even more majestic than before.<br />I see two bejeweled treasure chests;<br />one emblazoned with an "H" and the other with a "D."<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I search frantically for a key--a way to get inside,<br />but I have no such luck.<br />I bash open each chest with a rock,<br />and visions are projected against the night sky.<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I gaze at the visions, and see things.<br />Things familiar and foreign at the same time.<br />I smile, for this is why I am here.<br />This is why I have made this arduous journey yet again.<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I watch this display hover along the ether.<br />My mouth is agape, and my eyes sparkle with wonder.<br />I am watching my hopes and dreams;<br />in a cinematic display custom-made for me.<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I see my future and all that I desire.<br />Suddenly, my eyes observe a new part of the display.<br />I see that all of my past obstacles, trials & tribulations<br />appear to be but a speck in this astral projection of dreams.<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I hear a jarring, familiar sound, and I try to ignore it.<br />But it gets louder with each beat of my heart.<br />I know what it is, but I hope I'm wrong this time.<br />This is not fair. I want a different ending!<br /><strong>It can't be!</strong><br /><br />I try to focus back on the night sky.<br />Unfortunately the chests are closed and locked again.<br />I can no longer watch this astral fantasy,<br />and must attend to this sound...this alarm.<br /><strong>It can't be!</strong><br /><br />I open up my eyes and gaze at my alarm clock.<br />'So I had that dream again,' I mutter to myself.<br />I reflect on what I can remember,<br />but this time seems very different.<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I cycle through the images in my mind's eye.<br />These crystal-clear snapshots of my future.<br />I realize that my setbacks have brought me squarely to this point,<br />and a sudden wave of peace and serenity flows through my body.<br /><strong>Can it be?</strong><br /><br />I am left with complete assurance.<br />Complete assurance for my future.<br />I know that the next time I see these heavenly visions,<br />they will be part of my reality...and not a dream.<br /><strong>Can it be? YES IT CAN. </strong>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989944438656937635noreply@blogger.com0