Time For a Change

I'm not a big fan of change. My favorite expression when it comes to change is, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." This describes my attitude perfectly.

HOWEVER, I don't always dislike change. If there is a reason for it, and the resulting change is an improvement--then I'm all for it. But, if something is changed that was already working out perfectly, then I hate it. This happened to my water class that I have raved about so much in the past. But that's not the focus of this entry.

I need to make some wholesale changes in my life--parts of it are definitely broken. Now, some parts of my life are a vast improvement over how they were five years ago. I have a better school to work at, my finances are MUCH better, and I have more friends. But, some hugely negative things in my life are still the same as they were five years ago. These things need to change--THEY MUST CHANGE.

I'm writing this blog entry so I will have a permanent record and reminder of my desire to change. Plus, I will have other people to keep me accountable of my actions. I have tried to let a lot of people know about this blog recently, because I have a strong desire for people to read my entries. I'm proud of some of them--especially the entry about my sister, Karrie. I also want people to see the progress that I will have.

I have been overweight since 4th grade. Even though I was overweight, I still got around really well on my crutches--which I even used throughout middle school. Then, I went through a MYRIAD of health issues throughout high school, and I slowly transitioned to using the wheelchair. The late 80's were a very dark period of my life, health-wise, and only my family and a few close friends know how many issues I had back then.

Now, I use the wheelchair 100% of the time, and I have gained so much weight. I got really serious about eating better and exercising more, this past March. I can't really weigh myself, but I believe that I ended up losing at least 30 pounds. I was nowhere near my goal, but I felt a lot better.

It's now 8 months later, and I have gained all of the weight back. I have been to the gym one time in the last two weeks, and I am eating horribly. When I was doing so well before, I was going to the gym about 5 times a week, and I was eating really well.

A lot of that had to do with the Seattle Sutton program, which I have blogged about in the past. But, I haven't ordered their food in about a month. I also had my water class, which was a GREAT cardio workout.

Unfortunately the gym ended up getting rid of the teacher, and her replacement is not the same. Even though I am not a big fan of Michele's replacment, I just need to suck it up and deal, and go back to the class.

Yesterday, I felt like a huge whale at Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't overeat, but I was very uncomfortable the whole day. I also felt like all of my family members that I saw yesterday were thinking, "Holy crap, Kevin just looks bigger and bigger everytime I see him."

My self-esteem is pretty low right now, and I need to get back in the gym and start building up my upper body again. I also need to get my cardio going again.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, I need to get back on track with the eating. I know that weight-loss is 80% diet...and my diet sucks right now.

Besides losing weight, so I can look better and have more self esteem, I need to focus on my health. My blood pressure and vital signs are good. But, I will be 37 in a couple of weeks, and my body is going to start to rebel. It's only a matter of time.

I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL. I have no other option.