I'm not a big fan of change. My favorite expression when it comes to change is, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." This describes my attitude perfectly.
HOWEVER, I don't always dislike change. If there is a reason for it, and the resulting change is an improvement--then I'm all for it. But, if something is changed that was already working out perfectly, then I hate it. This happened to my water class that I have raved about so much in the past. But that's not the focus of this entry.
I need to make some wholesale changes in my life--parts of it are definitely broken. Now, some parts of my life are a vast improvement over how they were five years ago. I have a better school to work at, my finances are MUCH better, and I have more friends. But, some hugely negative things in my life are still the same as they were five years ago. These things need to change--THEY MUST CHANGE.
I'm writing this blog entry so I will have a permanent record and reminder of my desire to change. Plus, I will have other people to keep me accountable of my actions. I have tried to let a lot of people know about this blog recently, because I have a strong desire for people to read my entries. I'm proud of some of them--especially the entry about my sister, Karrie. I also want people to see the progress that I will have.
I have been overweight since 4th grade. Even though I was overweight, I still got around really well on my crutches--which I even used throughout middle school. Then, I went through a MYRIAD of health issues throughout high school, and I slowly transitioned to using the wheelchair. The late 80's were a very dark period of my life, health-wise, and only my family and a few close friends know how many issues I had back then.
Now, I use the wheelchair 100% of the time, and I have gained so much weight. I got really serious about eating better and exercising more, this past March. I can't really weigh myself, but I believe that I ended up losing at least 30 pounds. I was nowhere near my goal, but I felt a lot better.
It's now 8 months later, and I have gained all of the weight back. I have been to the gym one time in the last two weeks, and I am eating horribly. When I was doing so well before, I was going to the gym about 5 times a week, and I was eating really well.
A lot of that had to do with the Seattle Sutton program, which I have blogged about in the past. But, I haven't ordered their food in about a month. I also had my water class, which was a GREAT cardio workout.
Unfortunately the gym ended up getting rid of the teacher, and her replacement is not the same. Even though I am not a big fan of Michele's replacment, I just need to suck it up and deal, and go back to the class.
Yesterday, I felt like a huge whale at Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't overeat, but I was very uncomfortable the whole day. I also felt like all of my family members that I saw yesterday were thinking, "Holy crap, Kevin just looks bigger and bigger everytime I see him."
My self-esteem is pretty low right now, and I need to get back in the gym and start building up my upper body again. I also need to get my cardio going again.
Now that Thanksgiving is over, I need to get back on track with the eating. I know that weight-loss is 80% diet...and my diet sucks right now.
Besides losing weight, so I can look better and have more self esteem, I need to focus on my health. My blood pressure and vital signs are good. But, I will be 37 in a couple of weeks, and my body is going to start to rebel. It's only a matter of time.
I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL. I have no other option.
Showing posts with label Change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Change. Show all posts
November 28, 2008
November 19, 2008
15 is too young
I LOVE being a teacher, but there are some days when you just want to be a mindless drone sitting in a "cube." Yesterday was one of those days.
Two days ago, a sophomore passed away after wrestling practice. He had a serious defect with his heart, but this defect was not discovered until it was much too late. He collapsed at the end of practice, and died a little while later at the hospital.
This sounds horrible, but fortunately I did not know the young man. But, a good friend of mine at school had him in her keyboarding class. I could see how Jamel's death greatly affected her. She went around to all six of us in the department, to talk about him. But, her class was the first business class that he had taken. So, I just listened to her tell me about what a great young man he was.
During my 13 years of teaching, I have lost many students. Those first 10 years of my teaching career were spent working at the middle school level. It was devastating to see how their young minds could not wrap around the finality of death. Fortunately, we didn't lose too many students as middle schoolers, but I would hear of former students of mine passing away when they made it to high school.
Out of respect for Jamel, I wanted to address the death of two students in my past. All were "gone too soon."
Kylene was a teacher's dream. She was smart, mature, respectful, and hardworking. She was the kind of 8th grader that I wanted to check on as she progressed through her life. I knew that she was going to go far.
Kylene loved horses, and ultimately it was a horse that took her life, right before her freshman year of high school. She was tending to her horse, and the animal kicked her in the chest. The blunt-force trauma killed her.
I have never been to a more-crowded funeral home in my life. There were students, adminstrators, and many, many teachers there. What really impressed me was the number of teachers that were there that had never had her in class. They just "knew" of her. It seems like the really good kids and the really bad kids have a way of becoming known to most of the teachers in the school.
The one image that is forever burned into my brain from that visitation service, has to do with the slideshow that was playing on the screen at the funeral home. There were MANY slides of Kylene on horses. You could tell how much she loved horses, just by looking at her face. What made the whole thing more chilling was the fact that there were several pictures of Kylene on the horse that KILLED her. But she was doing what she loved when she died. I think that is all we can ask for.
Garrett was a student that I had two years ago. He was one of the first students to indoctrinate me into the differences between middle schoolers and high schoolers. He had multiple piercings, and he talked about things that were on a different level than the 8th graders.
I truly enjoyed having him in class. I always found him to be respectful, and I know that he "tried" in my class. His grades weren't the best, and he wasn't always perfect, but whenever I would "refocus" him, he would always say, "Yes sir." or "Ok, Mr. K."
I didn't have him last year, but I would see him around school, and he would greet me with a smile, and a "Hi, Mr. K." I would often ask him about cars and motorcycles, because I remembered that he had a passion for those subjects. I think he appreciated that I remembered those facts about him.
On the surface, he seemed ok. But he took his life, several months ago. I'm not sure why he did it. That is the frustrating thing about these teenage suicides. These kids see no other way out. Unfortunately, they don't realize that if they just get the help that they need, they can get past whatever is hurting them.
In writing this, I have thought a lot about Garrett and Kylene. But, I have also thought about Jake, Darius, Ashley, and Chris. Unfortunately, I am sure there have been others. I just never found out, since I was at a completely different school.
At the beginning of the post, I mentioned how some days I would like to be a drone. That was the case yesterday.
TODAY, I had one of the best days of teaching, in as long as I can remember. I had a smile on my face, and I got that spark relit. I'll talk more specifically about my day, in a future post.
I love teaching, and I love forming relationships with my students. There is a huge upside to that, but the downside can cut like a knife. But, I wouldn't have any other profession.
Two days ago, a sophomore passed away after wrestling practice. He had a serious defect with his heart, but this defect was not discovered until it was much too late. He collapsed at the end of practice, and died a little while later at the hospital.
This sounds horrible, but fortunately I did not know the young man. But, a good friend of mine at school had him in her keyboarding class. I could see how Jamel's death greatly affected her. She went around to all six of us in the department, to talk about him. But, her class was the first business class that he had taken. So, I just listened to her tell me about what a great young man he was.
During my 13 years of teaching, I have lost many students. Those first 10 years of my teaching career were spent working at the middle school level. It was devastating to see how their young minds could not wrap around the finality of death. Fortunately, we didn't lose too many students as middle schoolers, but I would hear of former students of mine passing away when they made it to high school.
Out of respect for Jamel, I wanted to address the death of two students in my past. All were "gone too soon."
Kylene was a teacher's dream. She was smart, mature, respectful, and hardworking. She was the kind of 8th grader that I wanted to check on as she progressed through her life. I knew that she was going to go far.
Kylene loved horses, and ultimately it was a horse that took her life, right before her freshman year of high school. She was tending to her horse, and the animal kicked her in the chest. The blunt-force trauma killed her.
I have never been to a more-crowded funeral home in my life. There were students, adminstrators, and many, many teachers there. What really impressed me was the number of teachers that were there that had never had her in class. They just "knew" of her. It seems like the really good kids and the really bad kids have a way of becoming known to most of the teachers in the school.
The one image that is forever burned into my brain from that visitation service, has to do with the slideshow that was playing on the screen at the funeral home. There were MANY slides of Kylene on horses. You could tell how much she loved horses, just by looking at her face. What made the whole thing more chilling was the fact that there were several pictures of Kylene on the horse that KILLED her. But she was doing what she loved when she died. I think that is all we can ask for.
Garrett was a student that I had two years ago. He was one of the first students to indoctrinate me into the differences between middle schoolers and high schoolers. He had multiple piercings, and he talked about things that were on a different level than the 8th graders.
I truly enjoyed having him in class. I always found him to be respectful, and I know that he "tried" in my class. His grades weren't the best, and he wasn't always perfect, but whenever I would "refocus" him, he would always say, "Yes sir." or "Ok, Mr. K."
I didn't have him last year, but I would see him around school, and he would greet me with a smile, and a "Hi, Mr. K." I would often ask him about cars and motorcycles, because I remembered that he had a passion for those subjects. I think he appreciated that I remembered those facts about him.
On the surface, he seemed ok. But he took his life, several months ago. I'm not sure why he did it. That is the frustrating thing about these teenage suicides. These kids see no other way out. Unfortunately, they don't realize that if they just get the help that they need, they can get past whatever is hurting them.
In writing this, I have thought a lot about Garrett and Kylene. But, I have also thought about Jake, Darius, Ashley, and Chris. Unfortunately, I am sure there have been others. I just never found out, since I was at a completely different school.
At the beginning of the post, I mentioned how some days I would like to be a drone. That was the case yesterday.
TODAY, I had one of the best days of teaching, in as long as I can remember. I had a smile on my face, and I got that spark relit. I'll talk more specifically about my day, in a future post.
I love teaching, and I love forming relationships with my students. There is a huge upside to that, but the downside can cut like a knife. But, I wouldn't have any other profession.
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